Kumoricon
Convention Community => Off-Topic => Topic started by: TanisNikana on September 07, 2009, 08:51:47 pm
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Hi, I'm back.
Also:
Did something I really regetted, participated in a spam eating contest. Didn't much like it, even though I won. In bathroom now, several hours and a half bottle of Bismol after the fact. Lemme 'splain.
As many of you are aware, on most forums there is the opportunity to post large amounts of meaningless [Edit by JeffT, Moderator: Removed offensive language], like "LOL" or "idc" as a single worthless post. This, as we all know, is called spam.
But that's not the point. At the kumoricon forum meetup panel that I went to, the forum's number one spammer was sitting behind a place setting, his name was Mustash, as in mr_mustash, and the fellow running the panel is this guy called Tom the Fanboy. Now, Mustash is the Kumoricon forums' biggest spammer. And so Mustash was the champion of the previous year, having eaten an entire block of spam faster than his opponent.
Mustash was waiting for a challenger. Immediately everyone in the room* suggested that "Tanis should do it," and, well, I had never eaten spam before, and I didn't know what it would taste like, only really knowing that it was something posing as meat. I took my seat at the place setting opposite Mustash and took my knife and fork, one in each hand, and banged them against the table repeatedly, just like orphans in movies do when they demand food. It was freaking go time was what it was.
And Tom said to the crowd that there was a surprise beverage that we could use to wash down the spam with, and he took the lid off the mini cooler, and pulled out two cans. I eyed them up as a cheap generic lemon-lime soda at first, until Tom was careful enough to point them out and made sure everyone in the room understood that no, in fact they were cans of Big K Lemon-Lime Sparkling Water.
I knew better, I didn't touch the stuff. Who am I kidding, I don't know nothin', I'm in a spam eating contest.
And I was eyeing Mustash in the face and getting ready to kick some butt and to chew and not put my mind to whatever it tastes like and pretending that Spam was in fact bacon and that bacon is tasty and good. Mustash, for whatever reason, didn't really seem all that gung-ho about it.
So Tom waved us off and said go and I tore open my can of spam and shoved my spoon in. Now, there's videos of all this stuff on youtube, when they come up I will totally link you guys, but I shoved my spoon in that spam and tried to pull out a chunk. It didn't really work that way, but it slid out as a whole brick of spam. Sure, not to plan, whatever. I tried to lift the spoon out of the block of spam and that didn't work either, in that the spam came up with the spoon. Cries of "lollipop it!" abound.
So I took a huge freaking bite, my first bite of spam. You know how dog food tastes? That's half. The other half is pure salt. It was mind over matter from here on out, folks, that's how bad it was. Chomp, chew chew swallow, chew chew swallow, chomp repeat. Go go go, gotta beat Mustash.
And I look over at him, and he's cracking open his soda, and he's drinking it, remarking about how awful it was, and he would cut just a little bit away from his spam brick at a time, and eat it just like a decent civilized person.
Got massive bites coming off my spoon, and before too long I'm a bit worried that I'm gonna bite into the spoon. Seperate spoon and spam, deploy the fork really loudly, continue having at. Ate the last bite of spam four minutes after Tom said go.
That was really cool, got first place, and one of my prizes was a can of bacon spam. The other was Pepto Bismol. Heh. And so I decided while I waited for Mustash to finish eating his stupid spam that I would eat the bacon spam right in front of him, hoping to double lap him. And I started in on the bacon spam, and the sheer saltiness of the spam got all into my sinuses and made it all terrible, made me shudder and made it hard to chew and swallow. Felt like I was gonna barf. And so with really good judgment, I stopped eating of the bacon spam. Best idea ever.
Mustash never did finish. But in a spam-eating contest, there are no winners, only losers.
[Edit by JeffT, Moderator: Removed offensive language]
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I remember this~
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I feel sick just reading that.
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Copy-paste, copy-paste.
And why are you back on the forums, yo?
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Copy _and_ edit the cuss words, mind you.
Also I'm back because I
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Tanis, did you say Candlejack? You idi
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What are you talking about? I never mentioned Candlejack not even once. I was just describing how I got back on the
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Lame answer, oh well.
And copy-edit is still copy-paste.
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And most folks don't have access to the place where this originated from. (tanisnikana.livejournal.com, for the interested.)
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Tanis... you love attention, don't you?
lololol
Any excuse, any length... you're a ham, sir! XD
I wish I could've been there.
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Tanis... you love attention, don't you?
lololol
Any excuse, any length... you're a ham, sir! XD
I wish I could've been there.
I get too much attention as it is. ^_^
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Pffft. Typical from a ham lol.
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:D Tanis, you never cease to amuse me.
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I just can't believe I read all of that -A-
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And Tom said to the crowd that there was a surprise beverage that we could use to wash down the spam with, and he took the lid off the mini cooler, and pulled out two cans. I eyed them up as a cheap generic lemon-lime soda at first, until Tom was careful enough to point them out and made sure everyone in the room understood that no, in fact they were cans of Big K Lemon-Lime Sparkling Water.
I knew better, I didn't touch the stuff. Who am I kidding, I don't know nothin', I'm in a spam eating contest.
That soda was disgusting..... I tried a bit once it started passing around and whoever said it tasted like a moist towlette had it spot on.
Yet somehow, someway, my friend found the soda appealing. She obviously has terrible taste in drinks XD
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That was amusing until it made the room stink. You have my utmost respect.
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there were flies after
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god, I was sitting in the front row watching this. I will never try spam just because if the causes are already bad, just think how bad it actually tastes, but I have to hand it to you, you are braver than I am.
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This thread disgusts me immensely.
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PRIDE
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I'll bring two bricks of raw Tofu next year.
I'll eat my two bricks of tasteless, raw, slimy tofu in half the time it takes you to eat one can of spam.
AND THAT'S A CHALLENGE.
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god, I was sitting in the front row watching this. I will never try spam just because if the causes are already bad, just think how bad it actually tastes, but I have to hand it to you, you are braver than I am.
Hey, don't knock spam until you try it thinly sliced and fried.
That's nummy :>
Raw spam though... in huge chunks... my body would riot against me.
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god, I was sitting in the front row watching this. I will never try spam just because if the causes are already bad, just think how bad it actually tastes, but I have to hand it to you, you are braver than I am.
Hey, don't knock spam until you try it thinly sliced and fried.
That's nummy :>
Raw spam though... in huge chunks... my body would riot against me.
the reason I don't eat spam to begin with is because if you eat it, it tends to cause a bad bodily oder that won't go away until the spam leaves your system, and my friends and I have tested this theory out. As it seems, all my friends who eat spam regularly, always smelt bad, even after showering and putting on new clothes, and one time, my friend who almost never eats spam, was forced to do to his mother in law, and his body wreaked, even after a shower. So that's why I refuse to eat it.
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god, I was sitting in the front row watching this. I will never try spam just because if the causes are already bad, just think how bad it actually tastes, but I have to hand it to you, you are braver than I am.
Hey, don't knock spam until you try it thinly sliced and fried.
That's nummy :>
Raw spam though... in huge chunks... my body would riot against me.
the reason I don't eat spam to begin with is because if you eat it, it tends to cause a bad bodily oder that won't go away until the spam leaves your system, and my friends and I have tested this theory out. As it seems, all my friends who eat spam regularly, always smelt bad, even after showering and putting on new clothes, and one time, my friend who almost never eats spam, was forced to do to his mother in law, and his body wreaked, even after a shower. So that's why I refuse to eat it.
How much did you guys eat?
I've never had a strange odor from it O.o;
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I really don't know, because like I said, I never ate it, but the one's who had the bad smell normally ate it daily, and the one that was forced to eat it had to eat it because it was mixed in the meal.
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I will, no joke
I'll go to Safeway 20 minutes before the panel and buy two 12oz bricks of Tofu, and I'll eat them, head-to-head with any challenger.
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yes, I want to see that. What's worse is that the feeling in your mouth alone makes you want to throw up, it's not even taste, it's just the feeling that will get to you.
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I will slaughter you, Tofu, I will devour my can of spam before you eat your bricks.
We will do this at MEW.
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You guys had better film that; I wanna watch it.
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It will happen.
Closing Ceremonies has a new event.
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Firm tofu or soft silken tofu? :P the latter can be eaten REAL fast....experience tells me. hehe.
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Firm. It needs to be roughly the same consistency as Spam in order to be fair.
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I WILL WIN
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xDD I can't wait to see this!
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We will prove that Tofu beats Spam any day. 8)
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Hey, wait. If Tanis beat Mustash at a spam eating contest, does this mean he's the new king of spam?
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Yes, yes it does.
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No, it just means he's the Lord Glutton of Ye Conne.
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Aw. Oh well.
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We will prove that Tofu beats Spam any day. 8)
TOFU WILL BEAT SPAM ANY SECOND!
Well, if ya wanna be fair, you would need to add the same salt content to the tofu....no? :P *uhhhhhgh*
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Yeah, add two pounds of salt to it!
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And the tofu needs to be sitting in a fridge filled with dog food for a week. You know, so it tastes the same.
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lawl I will film it for you.
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I'm still waiting for the forum meet up panel to be put onto youtube, because it was filmed all the way through.
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I'll add exactly as much salt as there is in the Spam.
In the form of straight 2oz shots of soy sauce.
On the condition that Tanis matches me shot-for-shot drinking straight shots of lemon-lime sparkling water.
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oh god, and this time, let's see, what should the drink be? It has to be drinkable, yet bad in so many ways... How about Powdered Milk?
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Soy Sauce for me, the same for him. I just need to have the added Sodium content.
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but to much sodium can kill, which is why you need something that won't inevitably kill you.
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Well, it'll be limited to the exact amount of sodium as he has in the Spam, so I won't be at risk for death. ;]
Certainly less so than the ramen-eating contest. :P
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ya, but like I said, we still need to come up with something for you two to drink during this competition, something bad for our enjoyment.
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Soy Sauce and raw tofu isn't bad enough? D:
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what can I say, when they had spam, they also had a drink that tasted like hand wipes, so we need to come up with something new, because everyone decided on tofu.
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Well, I'm just eating twice as much tofu as he is spam, because we all know that both are decent meat alternatives when COOKED, and pretty much awful if not, especially plain. However, because the world accepts tofu as edible matter, while spam is still being reviewed for edibility, I'll eat twice his share to make it fair.
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We drink lukewarm bacon grease.
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I second what Tanis said. [/shudder] that's just NASTY
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What about steak sauce to drink?
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Icky. ;3
Steak sauce is good on steak!~
I would drink maple syrup though perhaps. ._.
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Or cool whip?
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A can of reddiwhip!
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Hells yes, Reddiwhip for the drink.
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I will be puting my videos up in the order they were filmed. This means I need to chop up the 30 minute vid of opening ceremonies up into youtube chunks and probably just find a link to the Anime Hunter's video.
I also had to burn Yakety Sax (the official spelling on the CD, I assure you) to mp3 because it was requested that I make a special fast forward edition.
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haha nice Tom
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Tanis, I think you misunderstood something.
Mustash's only opponent last year was time. He finished the can of spam with a few minutes to spare I believe, relatively good time with nothing to wash it down. All for a DVD of events he was present at.
I will put in the paperwork for another panel next year and hopefully we'll be able to play the videos of the two prior spam contests so the new contestants will know what they are up against.
I will also make sure there is space for a tofu eating contest asince that seems to be a good idea. I have no doubts that someone eating tofu would be able to eat faster than a spam eater so I think pitting them against each other is hardly fair.
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Ah, gotcha.
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Ramen, Spam, Tofu, whats next? Zuccini? [can't eat zuccini]
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I usually hate zucchini, but we grow it in our backyard garden, so I only like it if its prepared a certain way.
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I'm allergic to it, so yeah.
Maybe... Red Bean paste next?
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Red bean paste is good, though.
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Most of the people I know hate the stuff, but put it in a manju bun and steam it. Mmm now that's onolicious
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This thread makes me want to gag.
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Yes, we understand that already. It makes me want to gag too.
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Glad to know.
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Lukewarm bacon fat?
Nah, Tanis'd like it too much.
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^ AGREE'D!
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You said Candlejack, didn't you? Didn't y
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Way to go, Tanny!
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XDDD your not supposed to say Candlejack Sil
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You said Candlejack too. He's gonna need a longer ro
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oh great, now we're going to have a group of dead people, all because they said the forbidden name... Now we need Cosgrove to save them.
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Ewwie 8D
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I still have no idea what the hell your all talkin about
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oh, you!
Edit by DancingTofu to remove link containing adult content
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Oh god, I hate Encyclopedia Dramatica . . .
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here's a better way of knowing who candle**ck is:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkGVhmw7x9Q
it's about 9 min. but it will give you a good idea of him.
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. . I thought links to ED weren't allowed. o.o
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CandleJack
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. . I thought links to ED weren't allowed. o.o
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CandleJack
Oh, right. Thanks for the reminder. :P
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. . I thought links to ED weren't allowed. o.o
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CandleJack
Oh, right. Thanks for the reminder. :P
And when did that rule happen? I use ED as my guide to memes I don't understand because more often than not it is very informative.
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It's not specifically Erectile Disorder. We don't allow links to any site containing adult content.
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Even Wikipedia?
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Official Kumoricon Forum Code of Conduct (http://www.kumoricon.org/forums/index.php?topic=11025.0)
Age-appropriateness
Keep discussion on the rough equivalent of a PG level, perhaps occasionally straying into mild PG-13. Refrain from using any of the stronger profanity, and keep all profanity to a minimum. You can usually state your message more effectively without it. No strong innuendo, graphic violence, nudity, or explicit sexual content. These rules apply to both text and images, including quoting or copying outside content.
Avoid directly linking to disallowed content off-site. We will be a bit less strict about content in off-site links if there is a content warning in the link, but there are still limits to what you can link to.
You may discuss content which contains disallowed items, such as hentai, but these rules apply to the discussion.
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Then I will link to these:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Oxil4tFpoI&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nQa0wLeW5s&feature=channel