best way to tell your dad you getting married?

[superjaz]

this is somthing that is stressin me out too much

this is the deal
when i was 16 and livin with my mom and brothers in ontario Or, we were movin back to portland
my dad lived with hs girlfriend and my baby half sister in medford, and i wasnt able to call them (no longer in servis) and give them our new address, we went by their place it was empty

8 years go by, every so often my younger brother and i would do online searches for our dad to no availe, many things happen during this time including becoming involved with kumoricon, school, my best and only friend dies, i work on makin friends, i run away from home and strike out on own.
most importantly i meet chris <3 <3 <3 and the rest is history
last fall i found another # for my father' girlfriend's parents and i left a message a week later i got a call from my dad

in my head i told my self that it was an acident because we were both moving but when i talked to him i found out it they moved to calaforna to avoid the child suport bills .
yeah um happy reunion, part of me wanted to find my father because i was worried that if i didnt the next i heard of him would be that he died, a fear steming from my best friends sudden death.
this would be easyer if after my parents got divorced my dad was a dead beat dad but no we always got along, i always took after my dad, that made it harder
i've talked to him 3 times in last year, its hard cuz i've really become a differnt person in all that time i'm much happier
i know i should just call and say "hey guess what i gonna get hitched" but its hard
i did want to just send an e-mail but i know he dosent have a good computer
i also want to just stick my head under a pillow and forget about it, chris said he'd call my dad with me after work the other day but he forgot and i didn't remind him
i is just chicken, part of me just wants to forget about it the other isn't ready to give up on my dad yet
any advice

[Runa]

Actually, the question you need to answer before you tell him is: do *you* want him to go to the wedding?

If you do want him to be at the wedding, then call him and tell him right away. He's your dad. He'll be thrilled to hear that his little girl is all grown up and getting married. 

If you don't want him to go to the wedding, then wait until after the wedding to tell him since that'll avoid the uncomfortable situation of him wanting to go to the wedding but not being invited. If you're too chicken to say it over the phone, send him a card while you're on your honeymoon telling him the news.

[superjaz]

I do want him at the wedding, it might be the first chance i get to see him (he lives in sacremento)
thing is i don't want him to walk me down the aile it would be weird
and i'm afraid when i tell him he'll want and/or expect to

[TomtheFanboy]

I can't really help you. I haven't told my biological mother that i'm getting married specifically because i don't want her there. I basically have turned my back on her since she ran off to California in 4th grade and only sent one present and no child support. She deserves to live in California as far as I'm concerned.

Since you WANT your dad there however, I dunno. Maybe just call him and ask him if he'd like to come up to Portland for a wedding. Then when he asks more you can tell him all about the when and where and WHO!

[spindrift]

I will say what I tell my sister.  Believe in the power of family love and forgiveness to solve the weirdness of it.  Just saying something like: " Hey daddy I am getting married and I want you to come to the wedding."  Getting it out there first can make the rest of the conversation go easier on you.  And remember give your dad time to process every thing as you tell him. 

[superjaz]

chris said we should call him today but i do notice if i dont remind him he no remeber
i'll get to it but yeah, its like my younger brother said when he was trying to think of somthing to talk to him about he was like "do you like toast? i like toast"
i had told him about being intersted in japanese culture and my father kept tellin me when he gs out for sushi

[Drakage Mizuki]

well when i was getting marred i told my dad and mom but when it cam to my brother i told him but then teld him that i didn't want him there and we got in a small fight but after a bit of time went by we statered talking again and he told me the he understands why i didnt want him there. if i were you i would tell him that your getting marred and you want him there, and make shure that you tell him that you don;t want him to walk you and tell him why you dont want himto and hell understad why. i mean his you dad. all dads what to walk there little girls down the ile but not all get to. so i think that if you tell him, he'll understade everything.



    Drakage Of The Hidden Village

[valliegirl]

I do want him at the wedding, it might be the first chance i get to see him (he lives in sacremento)
thing is i don't want him to walk me down the aile it would be weird
and i'm afraid when i tell him he'll want and/or expect to

my first instinct was to say, wait til after the wedding, and then if you happened to meet up with him again, you could just be like, "Oh and this is my Husband Chris!"

But, hmm...  that won't quite work if he should actually be there. 

Ok, so, there's two ways you can do this then. 

The brave way is call him and tell him that you're getting married, the date is x, and you'd like it if he would attend as your guest.  If you stress the "as a guest" up front, that should draw the line that he's an attendee and not "Father of the Bride".

The chicken way is mail him an invitation.  You know, one of those pretty official invitations that you would send out to all of your relatives that say RSVP on them, and then he can say Yes, I'll show up or No, I'm washing what's left of my hair that day.

[superjaz]

The chicken way is mail him an invitation.  You know, one of those pretty official invitations that you would send out to all of your relatives that say RSVP on them, and then he can say Yes, I'll show up or No, I'm washing what's left of my hair that day.

...0.0 how did you know my father was balding?!?! are you psycic? quick gimmie some lotto numbers!!
i know chris and i should call him but i is chicken and chris always forgets and i dont remind him

[valliegirl]

...0.0 how did you know my father was balding?!?! are you psycic? quick gimmie some lotto numbers!!

Statistical probability.  Most guys lose some amount of hair as they get older...  My Dad has about half his hair, but then went and just shaved the rest of it so he wouldn't have to worry about it, and then just wears a hat everywhere he goes. 

Plus, it fit well with the joke.

But just in case I am psychic, play 7 13 22 34 and 5

[superjaz]

I called my dad last night. 
       I put him on loud speaker ad told him that Chris and I are going to get married, probably in the next year or so.  My father said he was happy for us, and that was the best news he had heard in a while.  He said he would approve of Chris because I had chosen Chris and my dad knows my high standers.  I wouldn’t just pick any one to marry. The conversation ended when my dad said he had to stop something from burning in the oven.  He told me to feel free to give him a call and keep him n the loop regarding the wedding, and we said good bye. 
     It went well. I will have to talk to him more as the wedding gets closer but that can wait till after finals week.  Heck it can wait till I finish school.  It’s just a little bit stressful on top of everything else I have going on right now.