I have dyed my hair a plethora of colors, and I'm kinda obsessed with hair ... >.> I have read many tutorials on hair dye and stuff, so I guess I know a lot. The best brands to use are Special Effects, Punky Colors (Jerome Russell's brand), or Manic Panic. Manic Panic is sorta, I dunno. I have a love/hate with it. Special Effects and Punky never seem to fail though. You can buy Special Effects at Hot Topic or order online, Punky Colors is a rare find unless you order it online, and Manic Panic is sold at Sally Beauty Supply.
So far as tricks to getting hair lighter, there is no way to lighten hair without some sort of bleach. You can't lighten dye with another dye, unless that dye has a small amount of bleach in it ^_^ I would recommend a "soap cap". This is basically a very weak mix of bleach and shampoo. It's easier to spread than normal bleach, and tends to be less damaging =)
Not to diss on people that like the koolaid dye method, but I hate it. I've never seen it turn out as vibrant as vegetable/pigment dyes (The brands listed above are what you would call veggie dyes
No harmful chemicals. Woohoo!)
Any other questions, I'd be happy to answer. I've been dying my hair for *thinks* 8ish years, haha. Sorry I wrote a book, Hair coloring excites me x.x0