Author Topic: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!  (Read 14591 times)

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Offline reppy

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The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« on: September 10, 2009, 12:14:43 am »
If you're like me, you're awesome and you also like puns.  But you might not have the time or the wherewithal to procure some to call your own.

That's where this thread comes in.

A few simple rules:
- Nothing dirty or offensive!
- One joke per post!

Alright, simple enough?  Lets get it started!



Q: What do you get when you kiss a parakeet?
A: Chirpies. It's a canereal disease. And it's untweetable.
« Last Edit: September 10, 2009, 12:16:42 am by reppy »

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Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2009, 10:20:06 pm »
under where?
under where?
under where?
under where?

Your under wear is showing.

Ahhh, grade school!
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Offline EveofAbyss

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2009, 10:31:50 pm »
Q: What do you call a group of fish playing instruments?
A: An Orca-stra! *ba dum psh*


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Offline superjaz

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2009, 10:47:56 pm »
okay borrowing one from my japanese lit teach
"there is noh drama, and no drama, but is there no drama in noe drama?"
ah kominz sensei you rock
superjaz, that is jaz with one z count'um ONE z!
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Offline Rainfeather

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2009, 10:49:49 pm »
What did the fish say when it hit a wall?
Dam!
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Offline EveofAbyss

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2009, 10:50:41 pm »
Q: Where did Hitler keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.


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Offline fhqwhgads41185

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2009, 10:59:59 pm »
(taken from "pun of the day")

Last night I kept dreaming I had written The Lord of the Rings. The wife said I'd been Tolkien in my sleep.
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Offline reppy

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2009, 11:37:54 pm »
Wow these are awesome.  For whatever reason, my mind is pun blank at the moment. But keep it up! I'm loving them! XD

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Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2009, 12:59:57 am »
Talking about children. Breed 'em and weep.

Did you see that snail driving that Cadillac with the big S painted on the side?
You should've seen that S-car go!

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Offline Negima

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2009, 02:33:04 am »
This is a horrible form of punishment.

(You have no idea what you have unleashed.  *manical laugh*)

Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2009, 03:01:47 am »
Did I tell you that my friend's sister got a job with their big brother, running the foundry?

Yeah, now she's Miss Management!
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2009, 10:24:58 am »
What does a grocery store Courtesy Clerk say when they sneeze?

Tis-schew!
One cannot truly live life without having a sense of honor.

Offline Prinz Eugen

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #12 on: September 19, 2009, 12:28:08 pm »
My all-time favorite:

When the last of the Teutonic knights were defeated and dispersed at the Battle of Tannenberg, one group of men, broken and cut off, fled north. Arriving at the gulf of Bothinia, the reasoned that they could not return to their hometowns to face ridicule or further persecution. Instead they felled some nearby trees to build rafts, intending to sail across to new lands where they might start a new life, perhaps as a mercenary band or other military service to whatever lords or kings they met over there.

Two sets of items they brought with them: their banded plate armor, so that the people they met would know they were men at arms and of at least some means and wealth, and trencher plates. Shallower than a bowl, deeper than a platter, a trencher would hold whatever foreign food stuffs they were served - solids portions, stews or soups.

And off they sailed. But the day afer their first night at sea a terrible storm arose. The waves washed higher, waterlogging the rafts, and with the weight of their armor, they foundered and all men were lost.

Nowadays, modern oceanographers have found the remains of that failed expedition, which is why we can know today that:
"Plate Teutonics are responsible for the rafts and trenchers found on the ocean floor."
« Last Edit: September 19, 2009, 12:31:09 pm by Prinz Eugen »

Offline makichan

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #13 on: September 19, 2009, 12:52:25 pm »
Q: Where did Hitler keep his armies?
A: In his sleevies.
omg too funny! XD
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Offline DemonSpawn

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #14 on: September 19, 2009, 08:29:49 pm »
See the pun?


I miss 2010.

Offline melchizedek

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #15 on: September 20, 2009, 08:50:11 am »
I don't eat meat cause I'm a veterinarian
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #16 on: September 20, 2009, 06:18:55 pm »
Melchizedek, that was DOG-gone good.
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Offline nyahaha

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #17 on: September 20, 2009, 06:21:23 pm »
my train of thoughts was derailed.
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #18 on: September 21, 2009, 12:44:25 pm »
(Animeman73 is handed a container of flour.) I've heard of flour power but this is ridiculous.
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Offline nyahaha

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2009, 03:39:24 pm »
(imagine you were carrying a wooden dowel and board)
Rachel starts to walk away
Haley:wait! we should stick together!
Rachel: I dunno, should we or wood we?
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Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #20 on: September 22, 2009, 05:44:39 pm »
When asked which type of underwear he wore, former senator Dole replied, "Depends."
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Offline nyahaha

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #21 on: September 22, 2009, 10:50:54 pm »
These are all very punny.
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Offline soundninja12

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2009, 10:12:16 am »
My god, I am pun free at the moment.

I think the best one I've had in at least a little while was on talk like I pirate day:
"Cap'n soundy"
"No, I wont crunchitize you"

But no one got it...
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Offline The_Geek

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Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2009, 01:12:24 pm »
If I was bread, I'd loaf this thread.

Offline soundninja12

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2009, 03:00:38 pm »
^ that statement is awesome.
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Offline reppy

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2009, 03:43:25 pm »
In video form!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7GvstxiH-M&feature=channel_page


Wow.. that is.... awesome.

^ that statement is awesome.

Yeah it was swheat.      OK, that didn't really work.. it was supposed to say "sweet" but be spelled like "wheat."
« Last Edit: September 23, 2009, 03:44:27 pm by reppy »

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Offline soundninja12

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2009, 03:45:26 pm »
lol. 5 points for trying.
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #28 on: September 23, 2009, 03:59:37 pm »
You robbed an International Pancake and Steakhouse? How WAFFLE...I Hope you've LOINED something from this!
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Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #29 on: September 23, 2009, 06:51:40 pm »
^ that statement is awesome.

Yeah it was swheat.      OK, that didn't really work.. it was supposed to say "sweet" but be spelled like "wheat."

It's a pita that one didn't work out. At yeast you tried!

Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #30 on: September 23, 2009, 07:18:09 pm »
That was bready bready good.
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Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #31 on: September 23, 2009, 08:25:24 pm »
Rye thank you!

Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #32 on: September 23, 2009, 09:20:19 pm »
Don't be bageling for compliments.
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Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #33 on: September 23, 2009, 09:36:47 pm »
But I'm on a roll! Ferment I said anything.

Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #34 on: September 24, 2009, 07:20:35 am »
Would you like some cheese with that WINE?
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Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #35 on: September 24, 2009, 08:17:41 am »
Stop wining/whining, it's getting on my nerves.

Hawaii, Hawaii, Hawaii.
I'm fine, Howard Hughes?

Hair today, gone tomorrow.
« Last Edit: September 24, 2009, 08:27:35 am by jaybug »
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Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #36 on: September 24, 2009, 09:16:00 am »
May I present to you, ladies and gentlemen, the longest set-up for a pun the world has seen.
http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com/vb/showpost.php?p=1704611&postcount=96

Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #37 on: September 24, 2009, 05:31:29 pm »
There was one from one of Robin William's comedy albums. "Better latent than never."


Taken from the opinion page of the Oregonian.
"I-5 bridge debate: Lanes, pains and automobiles "
« Last Edit: September 24, 2009, 06:26:13 pm by jaybug »
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #38 on: September 24, 2009, 08:58:53 pm »
(Animeman73 starts singing) Like a BRIDGE over troubled water.  :D
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Offline Griff_the_dragoon

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #39 on: September 24, 2009, 09:14:16 pm »
Kain Highwinds favorite gum is Spearmint

China bound!!!

Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #40 on: September 24, 2009, 09:19:56 pm »
What does the Triple X guy put in his car?

Diesel.

Offline Wuntvor

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #41 on: September 24, 2009, 11:35:17 pm »
From the first animated film George Lucas ever Produced Twice upon a Time:

The Fig men of the Imagi Nation



Fig men can be seen bouncing around Greensleeves (the old guy in the middle).
(\,@/)  Quote from -  Rock & Rule
(=','=)  Stretch: MOK! Don't let him get us!  He'll put a heck on me!
 //_\\   Dizzy:    Hexx, Stretch.  Hexx.
  d b    Stretch: Aw!  Two of them!  That's even worse!

Offline soundninja12

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #42 on: September 25, 2009, 05:23:11 pm »
lol
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Offline TurboSaiyanJason

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #43 on: September 25, 2009, 10:47:31 pm »
Ohhh the pun-ishment!
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Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #44 on: September 25, 2009, 11:46:55 pm »
(Animeman73 is handed a carton of eggs) I will admit the puns are a bit egg-cesive!
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Offline Wuntvor

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #45 on: September 26, 2009, 03:48:03 pm »
Q: What do you get when you kiss a parakeet?
A: Chirpies. It's a canereal disease. And it's untweetable.

Almost as bad as this one:

Q: What do you get when you mix a canary with a lawnmower?
A: Shredded tweet.
(\,@/)  Quote from -  Rock & Rule
(=','=)  Stretch: MOK! Don't let him get us!  He'll put a heck on me!
 //_\\   Dizzy:    Hexx, Stretch.  Hexx.
  d b    Stretch: Aw!  Two of them!  That's even worse!

Offline Winfred

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #46 on: September 27, 2009, 05:20:26 pm »
Stolen from an MLIA post: "Frog Parking Only. All others will be toad."

Offline jaybug

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #47 on: September 27, 2009, 07:20:24 pm »
Egghead, the arch-villain from the Batman series of the 60s starring Vincent Price in the role, had lots of egg puns. Eggsactly.

Zachary disease. Definition: you face looks zachary like my dog's butt.
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Offline Wuntvor

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #48 on: September 27, 2009, 07:37:25 pm »
You have my Uncle, an old High School band instructor, to thank for these:

A monk had recently joined his order.  The only time they were allowed to speak was during morning and evening prayer.  The Bishop would chant "Morning" and all of the other monks would reply "Morning.  And every evening they would repeat it. The Bishop would chant "Evening" and the rest would reply "Evening".  Well this went on for weeks, then months.  It got to where the new monk just couldn't stand it anymore.  One morning the Bishop chanted "Morning" and the newest monk instead of chanting "Morning like the rest chanted "Evening" instead.  Well the Bishop looked around the room then chanted "Someone chanted Evening." (Sing like Some Enchanted Evening)

Roy Rodgers needed to get some new shoes.  His old ones where looking pretty beat-up.  He got on his horse, Trigger, and rode into town to buy a new pair.  After finding a really nice pair of leather shoes, he decided to wear them back to break them in.  On the way back a cougar came charging out of the brush, leaped up and clamped it's jaws over his right shoe and pulled him from his horse.  Well he started to kick the cougar in the head with his left foot and it then clamped its jaws on that shoe instead.  At this point, he pulled out his pistol and shot the cougar in the head killing it.  He draped the dead cougar over Trigger and rode home.  As he was passing through the gate Dale came out and saw him.  She looked at his torn up shoes and the dead cougar and said, (are you ready?) "Pardon me Roy. Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?" (baddum dum ching)  (Sing like Pardon me Boy.  Is that the Chattanooga Choochoo)  ;D
« Last Edit: September 27, 2009, 09:46:36 pm by Wuntvor »
(\,@/)  Quote from -  Rock & Rule
(=','=)  Stretch: MOK! Don't let him get us!  He'll put a heck on me!
 //_\\   Dizzy:    Hexx, Stretch.  Hexx.
  d b    Stretch: Aw!  Two of them!  That's even worse!

Offline Animeman73

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Re: The terrible pun thread! post your favorites!
« Reply #49 on: September 27, 2009, 07:57:14 pm »
Wuntvor it sounds like Roy Rogers had a real cat-tastrophe!
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