I thought Tanis liked his scooter. xD
You went to a fast food place, and unbeknownst to you, the fry cook decided that he was fed up with society and decided to change the status quo by putting cyanide in your burger. However, it was old cyanide, so when you were driving home all it made you do was throw up. This made you stop your car abruptly, and so a semitruck crashed into the car. This still did not kill you, because do a freak incident you weren't wearing your seatbelt and crashed through the windshield. So you were very cut up and lying in the middle of the road, but still alive. The frycook from earlier happened to be going home on his bike at that very second, and ran you over with his bike. That still didn't kill you, though! Nobody called an ambulence because they didn't really care and just continued onto wherever they were going, running you over several times.
All of that, and you were still alive, though. What really did it is when the French nuked the exact spot you were lying down on because they were mad about the line in the movie We Were Soldiers, "What French army?"