Although "The Power of Madonna" and "The Rocky Horror Glee Show" also remain sentimental favorites, of all the regular episodes, "Sexy" now absolutely is my favorite. Not just because the Joan Jett & Prince covers by Gwyneth were sexy. Not just because Mike O'Malley always tugs my heart strings. But most emphatically because I honestly did weep for Santana. Even more so during Landslide than at the locker. I 100% relate to her. Having had my first real girlfriend at age 9 (seriously-- kissing, spooning, holding hands in public, not allowed other girlfriends -- and we're still good friends), but then not coming out until 18, being closeted all through high school, being in love with best friends and not feeling safe to talk about it, etc. And having so often been "the girl on the side" for a girl who is in a primary with a guy. I totally related to that too. There have been moments when Glee has been so well-scripted and so well-acted that I have literally forgotten I was watching fiction. Particularly these have been Kurt's responses to being bullied (both being petrified and standing up to it), and Santana last night. Genius. Tragic, painful genius. And they've been building up to it all along. Remember "Duets"? Brit wanted to sing Melissa Etheredge's "Come To My Window" with Santana. She declined, implying it was too overtly dykey. Brit was so hurt by Santana ditching her to sing with Mercedes (though admittedly that "River Deep, Mountain High" was one of my favorite performances of the whole series). Before that wound, Brit wouldn't have looked at Artie. We now know that Santana wasn't just superficial and competitive and gunning for a chance to dine at Breadsticks. (Remember, in "Britney/Brittany", she revealed her dad is a doctor; she could take herself there any time and has no trouble getting guys to take her.) She wasn't ready for what everyone would say about her behind her back for singing an obvious love song with a girl she obviously loved. I mean she nearly bit the head off of Rachel when Rachel made an honest compliment that included the word "Sapphic" -- Rachel, whom she knows has two gay dads, who would be the last to be homophobic towards her (other than the absent Kurt). Everything about that storyline last night felt very real. Especially how what really destroys us includes (a) lables, (b) fear of rejection, (c) inability to be open about our feelings, and (d) a falsely projected sense of imperative to choose one way or another and to choose one relationship or another. Santana didn't lose Brittany because of Artie. They obviously were still "getting [their] cuddle on" with "ladykisses" while with whichever guys. She is losing their connection because of the ultimatum of pick him or me implied by her (oh so beautiful and brave and true and painful) declaration of her own no longer wanting to be with guys. I've been on both sides of that declaration and I could not imagine that scene having been played any more brilliantly by Naya (though I certainly wish Brit had picked Santana over Artie). Thanks for listening, love, Rem.
