Piggy dies.
My idea of calculus, is how much can you get away with stomping your foot on the accelerator pedal while coming out of a turn. Or conversely, how hard you need to apply the brakes going into the turn.
Calculus is also useful in determining how to make your sail plan aboard your ship. Learned that from the Aubrey Maturin novels. Captain Aubrey had to start to learn calculus at age 12.
I wish I was better at math.
I am most of the way through being an English major here at work (UO). I can hep with that. I was a French major, I can aid there too. I am a font of useless trivia too. email me, if you need help.