Author Topic: What is love?  (Read 5023 times)

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Offline Kimiski

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What is love?
« on: January 06, 2011, 12:35:32 pm »
Here's something to talk about:

How do you know if you're in love or not? What is real love?



So what exactly is love and how can you tell? Is it all a matter of opinion, and if so are there still some key characteristics that don't change from person to person? Are there different stages of love, or only one stage and everything up until then has only been "caring for or liking" someone. Can you truly only fall in love once, or because a person changes you can fall in love more than once? What is love vs lust?

Part of me could use some real advice, and part of me is just very curious as to what others think. So when you post what you think post your background/expertise in this field... (i.e- single, married, long relationship, so many relationships, etc....)


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Offline Dubaby

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2011, 03:59:36 pm »
...baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

In all seriousness though, I actually have a pretty longwinded answer to this that I'll post tonight when I'm not stuck on campus using my phone for internet...
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Offline kylite

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2011, 05:11:04 pm »
everyone will have a different answer to this quesiton.

I know infatuation, crush, lust, love, and beyond but to explain it is truly dificult. its just something you know...
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Offline reppy

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2011, 05:26:58 pm »
This is my take on it.  There's all kinds of love, and I think you can love people in different ways at the same time.  So I think there's a "serious" or romantic love, a silly/playful/puppy love, a friendship love, etc.  I like a mix of all in a relationship, and I don't think I'd be happy without a little bit of silly/playful/puppy love.

Like do you understand what I'm getting at?  There's a time for the serious / romantic love; e.g., going out for a nice meal together, or spending the night together with some lit candles and a Marvin Gaye record.  ;)  Then you have your silly love; e.g., calling each other cute names, being playful, teasing, etc.  Then there's time for the friendship love, which is probably kind of hard to give an example for, but you basically love them as a friend and try to care for them in the same ways you would a long-time friend.  There's probably as many types of love as there are people, or at least letters in the alphabet, so .. don't get the idea this life is by any means exhaustive.

For me, personally, there is the "initial" stage which is probably characterized as a crush.  If I get to know the person and I feel we're compatible in ways such as interests, values, life goals, etc. then my crush is likely to grow into "love" pretty rapidly.  It's kind of hard to say where things go after that.  I tend to find that the longer I'm with someone, the "more" I love them. . But it's not like you could really ever compare.  What's the difference between year 2 and year 3 of being with someone?  There's probably a difference between year 2 and year 5, but who is really keeping track?  There's probably different types of love that you may feel apply to your partner as your stages in life change.  So maybe you were ill or injured for awhile, and your partner took care of you.  So while you certainly already loved them, you may find that you love them as a provider/caregiver more than you did before, or maybe more than you realized before they entered that role in your life.  Or maybe when you're older you decided to have a family, in which case you may love your partner in their role as a mother or a father.  I think if we all took more time out of our day to stop our minds and just admire the people we care about, we'd find new things to love about them.

Obviously there are physical sensations associated with love.  Maybe they fade after awhile, but I've never found that to be the case with me.  It's pretty hard to describe.  Burning sensation in chest?  XD  A desire to hug the person until they pop?  Ummm.. hehe.

Also, love vs. lust.  That's tough.  I think you can love someone and lust after them, but you can lust after someone without loving them.  Are your desires purely physical?  Let's say you were to go up to talk to them knowing full well that they wouldn't have sex with you within a year .. would you still want to talk to them?  Would you be willing to be friends with them first?  If you think "not worth it," then maybe you were placing too much focus on sex with them as opposed to having a relationship with them.

Fwiw, currently single but last relationship lasted 6.5 years.


(Man, that was hard to write out.  I don't think I'll ever be confused for a poet.)
« Last Edit: January 06, 2011, 05:29:28 pm by reppy »

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Offline frogger

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2011, 09:31:13 pm »
...baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

that is exactly what i thought

Offline Washougal_Otaku

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2011, 10:36:16 pm »
Love: A score of "zero" in tennis (which was common for me).

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Offline Dubaby

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #6 on: January 06, 2011, 11:00:24 pm »
My view on love is pretty similar to Reppy's in a lot of ways.... I feel like when it comes to love, just like any other relationship, there are many different levels and stepsthat a person can go through.

I myself have been lucky enough to experience many different kinds of love, there's a love born from respect that I feel towards people I'm friends with and who have shown that they are willing to support me and have enriched my life in some way.

After that comes a stronger love and a greater sense of attatchment to a select handful of people in my life, who though I am not related to by blood have had such an impact on my life that just hearing from them gives my day-to-day some meaning... These are the friends who through the good times and the hardships I can never stop caring about, the people who despite distance or lifestyles will always remain my very important people. I never really realized just how strong such a love could be until one of the few people I shared such feelings with passed away. To love a friend so deeply is a feeling that even though you know your life will continue without them, you almost wish that it wouldn't. You want to preserve every moment you share with that person, and even the tough times you've had together become something to cherish and grow from.

The third kind of love that I experience is the overwhelming love and admiration I feel for my immediate family, it isn't something I can really put into words, and this is a love that many people overlook despite being so close. This was a love that I myself didn't understand the full power of until my brother became extremely ill and almost passed away. This is a love so strong, that in the year I spent waiting to see how things would turn out, I couldn't imagine living without him as a part of my life. True love is knowing deep down, that given the choice, you would take whatever pain and strife your loved one was feeling and place it upon yourself. Like I said, until you've really been put into a position where such a relationship is threatened it's hard to understand how something you can't touch or see could be so strong... It's because of this love that I've become the person I am and have learned to treaure the time I have with my special people.

When it comes to love in a romantic sense I really can't say much since I've never felt it myself, I have an idea of how I would want it to feel or be, but half of the fun of growing up is the surprise and excitement that happens when you do finally get to experience such strong emotions. So until the day comes that I meet that person who I can experience something that honest with, I can just sit back and look forward to it... and know that whatever form love comes in, it is always something to be cherished.

Wow, sorry that was so long and got so touchy-feely.... I just really like discussions like this.
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Offline reppy

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #7 on: January 06, 2011, 11:12:48 pm »
Dood.. I was totally doing some serious internal blushing/~swooning~ while typing my stuff up.. and I even tried to keep it as sappy-free as possible.

Also, good contribution Dubaby ^^
« Last Edit: January 06, 2011, 11:15:47 pm by reppy »

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Offline Kimiski

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #8 on: January 07, 2011, 03:06:16 am »
ok, putting myself out there trying not to change my mind and delete this post.... xD

Just wondering when caring for someone turns into loving someone...

My boyfriend and I are trying to be realistic about it, but it doesn't help when you don't really know what love is/feels like.
Part of me is scared to fall in love as well

It's like (and he knows this) I'm scared to have him (cause I'm young (20) and have all these things I wanna do like explore the world and go off and go to art school in another state and work there) but now that I got him I'm scared to let him go or lose him (cause I care about him) We both agreed to not think about it and just live in the now, and if that happens see how it works out, and if it doesn't well... you cant force those things, but still... its scary...
« Last Edit: January 07, 2011, 03:10:16 am by kimiski »


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Offline @random

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #9 on: January 07, 2011, 07:23:06 am »
Just a few random thoughts; I don't know if any of them will be particularly helpful...

Remember in third grade (making something up for the sake of example) when your best friend had to move away and you thought it was going to be the end of the world? Would you go back and erase those memories if you could, or tell your younger self to not become friends with them? Probably not - because in time the pain of it eased, and what you were left with was fond memories and a stronger sense of self.

Loving, and being loved, can be much the same way. Even though we hate it, the pain of leaving or being left behind can make us grow and become stronger people. (Really, the only way we ever can grow is through pain and struggle.) And even if we lose someone, we never lose the time we spent with them. Some of the most intensely painful breakups I've experienced are also connected to memories I would never want to lose.

Of all the ways to lose someone, via distance might be the least painful. It's gradual and slow, and gives us the chance to still be with them until we can properly say goodbye. It lets us build a new life at the same time, something that can fill in the empty space they leave behind. For all I know, you may experience the opposite... which would be wonderful. Distance can be a good test of whether you will be able to stand the harder trials that come with deciding to be with someone no matter what. If you're really meant to be with them, it'll only make your relationship stronger. But even if you do lose them, it can be a much less painful way to lose them.

One last thing which comes to mind though I'm not sure whether it relates to your situation at all - be careful to keep clear boundaries in your heart between "love" and "possession". When you love someone, you choose to be with them. That's an active choice which you have to renew each day. Vice versa, you're not making them stay; they stay with you because they want to be with you. If that changes, it's no reflection on you... it just happens. (I think in the long run, it's a lot more natural for most people - friends, loves, etc - to grow apart than it is for them to stay together.) You're not their possession, and they're not yours... you're companions for a time. Like you've already said, don't worry too much about how long the journey will last. Just be glad that right now, they're there with you.  :)
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Offline kylite

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #10 on: January 07, 2011, 10:29:57 am »
If you love something, then let it go, If it returns the love it shall return, and if not then atleast you have experienced it.

Live in the now and if you are meant to be together then experience things together and be patient for eachother
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Offline ishpumalibu

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #11 on: January 09, 2011, 07:17:58 pm »
I think people often become codependent, and put too much importance in the people they like, i have been guilty of this. jealousy is bad, I think usually one person cares more than the other, but neither should be worried if the other likes them equally. Love Seems to be doing what is best for both people, to help then grow without overstepping boundries. But i'm single and awful at relationships so... I dont know why i posted. Heh.

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #12 on: January 09, 2011, 11:48:31 pm »
Love is fantasy.

Offline ishpumalibu

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2011, 11:51:35 am »
Love is fantasy.


I would say so is hate then, love isn't fake, people just fail at it.

Offline ainekatt

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2011, 05:23:49 pm »
Love is vague. English is really bad at defining this sort of stuff. It's like, we've got a bajillion and a half (that is, by the way, the actual number) ways to say that we're pissed off (or angry, or frustrated, or irate... you get the idea), but really only one to say that you really really like something. You love your Sketchers. You love peanut butter. You love Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You love your mom. You love your girlfriend. But you don't love your Sketchers like you love your mom, or peanut butter like you love your girlfriend (I hope.).

So it's complicated, and it's everywhere. And love, at it's essence, is caring about someone enough that you're happy just knowing them, to me. If you really love someone, you're not in it to make yourself happy, you're in it to make them happy, because nothing makes you smile more than THEIR smile, and nothing makes you laugh more than their laugh. There's a billion different kinds of love, though, so I'm not sure what you were looking for exactly, and I could get a lot deeper, or more existentialist, or philosophical, but I've got to get to derby practice and the library's about to close up here anyhow.

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Offline Kimiski

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #15 on: January 11, 2011, 11:08:14 am »
^ LOL NICE

@ Reppy- If you don't mind my poking, and you totally don't have to reply-
In my personal opinion, I think 5-7 years is good minimum to date someone before getting married right? By then you should have a grasp on the other person and how much you care for them/get along, etc.... so it kinda scares me that people can break up after being in a long relationship.... cause then it's like, if you had married them earlier it wouldn't have worked you know? So how long SHOULD you wait or can you ever truly be certain? I don't know what the circumstances were, but you think you know someone for 7 years and all of a sudden you don't and it ends....
« Last Edit: January 11, 2011, 11:08:40 am by kimiski »


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Offline reppy

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #16 on: January 11, 2011, 11:45:51 am »
^ LOL NICE

@ Reppy- If you don't mind my poking, and you totally don't have to reply-
In my personal opinion, I think 5-7 years is good minimum to date someone before getting married right? By then you should have a grasp on the other person and how much you care for them/get along, etc.... so it kinda scares me that people can break up after being in a long relationship.... cause then it's like, if you had married them earlier it wouldn't have worked you know? So how long SHOULD you wait or can you ever truly be certain? I don't know what the circumstances were, but you think you know someone for 7 years and all of a sudden you don't and it ends....

It was more like her suddenly deciding she was wanted to go to graduate school and apparently I wasn't part of that plan.  No idea if she ever did go to graduate school, because after that I cut off all contact with her.  It was also bad timing, seeing as how only a week or so before she was talking about having me move in with her. o_O

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Offline jaybug

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #17 on: January 18, 2011, 09:42:21 pm »
Don't kill your dreams for love. Regrets turn into resentments, which turns into nasty divorces.

Can you work together?

Can you think of how to pay the bills?

Can you get your mind out of the gutter?

In love needs to become just love. The kind where you do things because of what it does for your other. And funny, they keep doing things like that right back. Basically nobody gets to kick over the other person's sand castle. Just bring more sand.
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Offline superjaz

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #18 on: January 19, 2011, 08:16:16 pm »
here is one way/aspect to think about It.  Long term love relationships lose their fear -your so with the person that you don't worry about losing them.  I have seen this kill a lot of relationships because people treat it like they are not in love anymore , in a rut.  But really people really become a part of you say your arm.  How often do you say "hey arm your the best! i <3 you!" Not often. But if you lost your arm How much you you miss it?  I can tell you I would rather have my Hubby then my arm.
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Offline Gryffinclaw Princess

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #19 on: January 19, 2011, 08:32:08 pm »
Love is complicated and yet so simple.
No matter what happens, that person will always be there for the other. No matter how much someone cries, whines, or complains, the other will always be there to "slap them in the face" (not literally, people!) and bring them back to reality.
It's caring about the other person through all odds. It's caring about them for who they are, not what you can turn them into.
It's seeing someone for the insides and seeing their outsides only as an additional plus if they look good.
It's being able to watch a person cut off their hair, get pierced, and do a lot of things that might not be too attractive to you and yet you still care because they haven't changed on the inside.

You do things for each other. You keep trying to make the other happy. You feel terrible when you fail at the smallest of things because you want everything to be perfect for them. It's being willing to give up your whole world for them at the drop of a hat and knowing they would do the same for you.

It's a commitment of two people...because love knows they will get the same treatment in return. And maybe some times are hard. Sometimes you feel like it's not worth it. You feel like being together is dragging you further apart but then that person holds you close and tells you that you are being stupid and you end up feeling closer than before because you realize that they really do care just like you do.

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Offline jaybug

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #20 on: January 19, 2011, 08:38:06 pm »
Oh yeah, how could I forget, as my first wife didn't do this. Fight fair. The point is to show your disagreement, and solve problems, not to win. If you can do that, it makes life much more hospitable.
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Offline CheshireStray

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2011, 05:34:55 pm »
Obligatory:

Offline Classy Viking

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2011, 01:16:40 am »
Love fades, the best anyone can hope for is being content.
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Offline Cyprus

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2011, 11:10:01 am »
I have been with my G/F now for somewhere around 6.5 years & we couldn't be happier. She also happens to be my best friend, which is one of the contributing factors that brought us together. Through all odds, we continue to be enjoy every second spent together & always find a way to work overcome any obstacles put before us. No matter what happens, I can always put a smile on her face & make her laugh...even if she is REALLY upset about something. That alone brings a warmth to my heart that I can't explain. In some the hardest moments in my life, she was there for me every step of the way, without even a second thought. Honestly, I could probably go on & on about what I think love is...but as was stated before, everyone is goind to have a different take on it based off their own experiences. There really isn't much that can be put into words to describe how a person can know if it's love they are feeling...you just know.

As for the marriage thing, there isn't really a "rule" for how long is long enough for a relationship to evolve that level. Although a spontanious & romantic proposal is traditionally something a lot of people hope for, I think that actually discussing it first isn't a bad idea. Considering the divorce rate in this country, I believe that people should put more thought into whether marriage is right for them or not. My G/F & I consider ourselves unofficially married already. We have talked about it & plan to have a ceremony someday...but in all honesty, we're happy now so we aren't in a rush to make any changes. The reason it's a good idea to date for a while first is so you have a chance to get to know more about each other. Jumping into a marriage before you've had a chance to live together & date for a while is risky business. Everyone has skeletons in their closet & no matter how small they might be, it could be something that causes problems...especially if your "love" was just excitement for a new relationship.

(Really, the only way we ever can grow is through pain and struggle.)
To add to this already brilliant & accurate statement: "The only regrets you'll have in life are the risks/chances you didn't take"
You live & learn. Life is about taking chances/risks. If you never put yourself out there because you are afraid of what might happen, then you will never know if you could have had something good & just let it slip away. Could it end up biting you? Yes...but you will learn from it & be stronger from the experience.

Offline Prinz Eugen

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #24 on: February 06, 2011, 02:55:41 pm »
A few weeks past the last Kumoricon we celebrated our 20th anniversary. We are still having a total blast together, week after week.

I think that how you can *know* that what you are giving is love and what you are receiving is also love involves at least a leap of faith. But there are so many assumptions that I must make about whether what goes on inside my head when I think of love and life is similar to what's in your head, that maybe you cannot use what I have to offer. But here goes anyways:

a) Reject the notion that love fades over time. It changes and grows, but the growing can mean strengthening, or adding new reasons for hanging out with your #1 best friend for every breath of your life, and discovering these together.

b) Study the consistent winners, not the chronic losers. Don't read the tabloids about who is getting divorced and who is siring or whelping the next celebrity bastard baby.  I use animal terms here because part of your humanity is standing up above the animal kingdom.  So, let's not "do it like they do on the Discovery channel." Losers may come out of the woodwork and flame me or you for using those caustic terms but if you are looking to build lifelong stability and a shining, fiery, joyful journey together, you can and should ignore everything they throw at you - because they are already derailed on their path, and your success reminds them of their screw-ups. When they hurl their frustration at you, your strength is to ignore them. That strength directly adds to the strength and power of your relationship. Another pit-fall: others will tempt you to fail in order to pull you down to their level. (How about lunch at the strip club? No one will know...)

The losers(Edit) Wannabes will say rationalizing cop-outs like "A 15-year marriage that ends in divorce isn't a failure, it was a 15-year long success." No, most likely it's not: if the vows they took** said 'till death do us part,' then at least one person FAILED. Calling that a 'success' is (to me) like claiming something one has not earned - like someone who tried but did not make it through Marine boot camp decorating his car with a 'Semper Fi' sticker. (NB I have never been in the service and I do not claim that I have been.)

If you can be sure that the person talking to you is the other half who did not fail on his or her part, then maybe you can consider their advice, but still: divorce or a history of un-chaste prior relationships = not someone to take advice from if your goal is to construct and manage a relationship that lasts a lifetime and includes life-long fidelity. (**Recently there are some 'weasel-out' vows being spoken, like "..for as long as we both can stand each other,' etc.)

You *can* ask divorced people about what *not* to do; there is a gentle way of inquiring 'what would you have done differently,' or 'what were some of the signs things were not working out?' - but be careful because you may be probing near old wounds. See (c) below. If you have been married before and lost, but are trying to re-assemble the pieces of your life to get it right this time, then you are not a loser, you are a strong person who is not content to give up on life. You fell off the bike and skinned your knee, but you are getting up again because other people have shown you it is possible, you just need better balance.

c) When you and your spouse see a trouble spot, address it and solve it NOW while it is small or still in the future. Do not ignore it and let it grow into a cause for constant fighting. Do not ignore the 'check oil' light and then fight over why the engine siezed up. So sometimes listening or reading about what went wrong for others can teach you what to steer away from.

d) Associate with winning lovers who are making it work for them. How to find these people? Read the paper about who's celebrating their 50th, 60th, or 70th anniversaries. They are the champions. They might not look attractive today, but they are the masters for you to study. It's weird, but I asked an 80+ year old widow about what she liked best about her husband while they were together. They will have plenty of time to share the secret of fire with you. Mine those nuggets of wisdom where you may find them, then offer them to your sweetie! Great love!

e) Don't ever keep secrets from each other. Your spouse should be the #1 go-to person for emotional direction in your life. (If you believe in God then only God should have higher rank, and you can pray together as you work on things.) Tell everything that's going on in your life, listen to everything that's going on in hers - keep the databases sychronized and updated. You will have the pleasure of acting like a team even when acting independently. You will encounter an event, think of what's best for you BOTH, and act. She will do the same even if you haven't had an opportunity to discuss it. Others will see that you are handling the event AS A TEAM. It's a deeply satisfying feeling.
« Last Edit: February 06, 2011, 09:51:53 pm by Prinz Eugen »

Offline reppy

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2011, 04:28:45 pm »
I wish this message board had reputations points because I'd totally give you some right now.  ;D  That's more or less how I feel about what a relationship should be.  Too many people like to get "bored" and just give up.

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Offline Prinz Eugen

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2011, 05:18:30 pm »
One member PM'd me off list to temper my words above about 'losers.' I will state with certainty that I do not mean anyone I know on this list. But I *do* mention winners, and where there are winners there will, by definition of the class of winners - be losers.

Now there are indeed great losses in life: investment losses, job losses, loss by death of family members and close friends, loss of one's homeland and culture due to political shifts. That's not what I meant. I even assert that there are those who experience loss and get up again, pick up the pieces or try to make a new picture out of the puzzle pieces that remain; including having someone else walk out of a marriage through no fault of one's own and getting slammed with divorce papers. If a reader here is struggling with a loss or a puzzling situation, that's not what I meant by 'loser' - you are still in the fight and you are trying to figure out what to do to move ahead again. You are still learning to master your life. That is a good thing - it takes mental and spiritual stamina, and we can and should all encourage each other to prevail.

But in my experience, (which I wish to share here,) there were specific people whom I have encountered who cannot get things together, then get frustrated that they cannot do what others have done well, and seek to tear down other people instead of trying to make themselves or the world better. There are real people who have tried to suppress us and tried to derange my relationship with my beloved. They have failed and we have won. We are the 'winners' and we get to name them as the 'losers.'

There are people working on challenges in their relationships, and will sabotage your efforts to improve your love bond, so that they can commiserate. After all, you can't share your troubles if that person is having a lot of problems and your relationship is 'smooth sailing.' If you get past your hurdle, that one will feel left behind, and may try to get co-dependent with you. Sometimes you don't even see it coming, but your spouse can. Listen and analyse the situation, then WORK AS A TEAM. You will have to make the choice that your relationship and the promises that underpin it are more important, more central to your life, and you may have to move these people to outer orbits of your life, or even cut them off completely if the only interactions they bring to you are burdens and complaints.

I wish to warn younger lovers that there are people like that out there, and in consideration, I wish to let my words stand.

EDIT ABOVE: Found a more specific term than 'loser' for one paragraph in the previous post.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2011, 10:08:17 am by Prinz Eugen »

Offline reppy

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #27 on: February 06, 2011, 05:29:42 pm »
Unfortunately, I have run into those people as well.

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Offline thesirensings

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #28 on: February 27, 2011, 03:07:45 am »
Now that's an interesting question.

I think love is different for everybody, and that nobody loves in exactly the same way.

Therefore, I can't really tell you how you know you're in love. That's something you have to find the answer to yourself.

Every breath you take and every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'LL BE WATCHING YOU.

Offline Gryffinclaw Princess

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #29 on: March 01, 2011, 01:06:04 pm »
Lately one thing has made me realize just how much my boyfriend cares. I have been in so much pain to the point i can't move most of the time and this whole week he has taken care of me without questions or getting angry or anything. He won't let me move even when i insist i can do things cause he knows i physically almost can't.
Its amazing to feel so loved in such a shitty time in my life.

Im not saying everyone will do this but I believe someone who cares about another will. They may not be in love but even just a friend (like our roommate jacody who always offers to help). So if this isnt even a possible acrion between two people, I dont see love as possible.

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Offline jaybug

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #30 on: March 01, 2011, 05:19:32 pm »
I bought my wife a dozen red roses, and another bouquet of flowers, at the same time, for no reason other than I got paid and I had the money to do it!
Have Fun

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Offline RemSaverem

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #31 on: March 02, 2011, 10:17:00 am »
There are many great points in many posts in this thread. So far, though, my favorite remains Reppy's first.

I embrace all forms of love as healthily expressed between any combinations of people, whether or not that love has erotic components.

When I refer to "all forms of love", my starting point is what I remember from freshman year of high school, hearing forms of love differentiated into:
(a) Eros;
(b) Philadelphia;
(c) Agape.

Those are all Greek terms. I happened to have had two best friends in high school who were first-generation immigrants from Greece, love Greek culture (& vegetarian Greek food), & have visited Greece.

(a) Eros was a Greek mythological figure associated with the type of love accompanied by sexual desire and is the source of our terms "erotic" and "erotica".

(b) Philadelphia is a Greek term epitomizing brotherly/sisterly love. In Greek versions of the New Testament, it is used to refer to the feeling of family that should exist amongst all believers. However, the term certainly also applies among anyone who treats each other like family/neighbors/best friends, regardless of beliefs. In social science literature, the term "fictive kinship" used to be used. I do not like that term, because I do not consider blood relation nor legal relation to be what defines whether people are a family; rather, mutuality of subjective sense of family/of Philadelphia, how they treat each other with respect, etc.

(c) Agape is another term from Greek that can generally be imagined as the epitome of compassion: utopian, unconditional, accepting, merciful love, such as some monotheists (myself included) ascribe to G-d, and which in other traditions is heralded in particular role models, whose assistance is sought towards feeling forgiveness of self and others (most notably the Buddhist heroine, Kwan Yin, also spelled Quan Yin).
(For those local to Eugene, there is an altar to Kwan Yin/Quan Yin at Lotus Garden, the vegetarian Chinese restaurant downtown; the logical link is imagining the compassion for which she was known during her human life as a Buddhist nun, extending beyond all humankind to all of the animal world, and thus, a vegetarian diet.)

When I have been the most in love, I have felt the greatest amount of what I personally am capable of of each of those three ways of loving, towards the same person, at the same time.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2011, 10:24:20 am by RemSaverem »
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Offline MiriaRose

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #32 on: March 02, 2011, 08:41:15 pm »
"Would you kindly. ."

Offline RemSaverem

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #33 on: March 03, 2011, 09:56:55 am »
THIS is the nexus of Philadephia and Agape.

If I could live in the grace of this gentleman I would have no need for Eros.

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/video/video.php?v=1378237514624&comments

To me he is a Bodhisattva.

Warning: You will cry (from the beauty of his work).

I had a small taste of this for the 4 years I cooked & served food in public parks and forests and events as Food Not Bombs.
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Offline Darknight2433

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #34 on: March 03, 2011, 07:05:35 pm »
I highly doubt the existence of singular love, like 'soul-mates', by far!

But I do believe in strong emotions harboring towards an individual ;)

Offline @random

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Re: What is love?
« Reply #35 on: March 04, 2011, 02:02:25 am »
^ Thank you. (^_^) I really needed that lol.
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