Well, it may be true that I don't talk to too many lolitas about the fashion, I do know what I have read and seen regarding Japanese culture; they do see it as a form of cosplay if it's used for that purpose, and the cat ear thing is accepted, though not usually done. I have seen this before, with the Japanese side of it.
No idea who your hearing this from, but being a lolita my self. Most of this is incoreect. Cat ears is EXTREAMLY looked down on and alot of lolitas are extreamly uptight about how lolita is supost to be done.
Its like saying punk is cosplay. Its not, like lolita, its a fashion. even though characters from game/anime may were this fashion if you cosplay said character, its COSPLAY NOT lolita. Even if the character wears it. Its still cosplay. Now if your cosplaying, and wearing cat ears. Then its fine. But lolita as a fashion with cat ears = a big no and often being made fun of by other lolitas.
infact, the lolita community offten has a hard time because alot of people want to keep saying "its cosplay" when its not. Because they don't understand its a fashion.
Who are you cosplaying? "A lolita (thats not from any anime/game/ect...)" <-- this doesn't even make sence, to be cosplay a "lolita"
VS
Who are you cosplaying "{add character here}"
I can't stress this enough.