Author Topic: How do you make con friends? (Read 10075 times)

BlackjackGabbiani · « **on:** April 09, 2012, 01:38:30 pm »

Right now all my online buddies are going nuts about all the friends they made at Sakuracon or Anime Boston. But I wonder how they do it.

I've been to Sakura. It's so big that one gets lost. Sure, I can find my way from point A to point B, but there's so many people around that there may as well not be *anyone* around. People may click a picture, but that's it. I've never really had people just bond like that with me.

And it's the same with Kumori. I'm not sure how to approach people. I try to be affable, but it seems like people are intimidated of me, something that comes out online even though I'm not sure why (on the rare occasion people actually *say* why, it's usually based in falsehoods like when I tried to run for board--people flat out lied about my behavior there). But even beyond that, it seems that even more people just don't even notice me. And I'm not sure how about that either--I'm pretty hard to miss (tall, fat, loud voice).

Is it because I don't cosplay "popular" characters? I just go as who I want to go as. I'm not really into a lot of the big series, and even when I am, I usually don't cosplay a wide variety. I do a cosplay every few years and in the meantime reuse what I've already worn.

Is it because I'm older than most congoers? I'll be 32 in June and I'm so bored by people my own age. So many people my age are of the mindset that once you hit some random number, you can't do things like cons or dressing up any more, and frankly I feel bad for them.

I want people to hang out with throughout the year. I don't drive, but neither do a lot of people and it doesn't seem to stop them. I want to do things with people. Nerdy things. I want to have friends that will work on cosplays with me, where we can share tips about makeup and wigs, where we can squee over our favorite series and characters.

I have people I can have discussions with, but they're all online, and in a lot of cases not even in the same country. I can't just hang out with them.

So I guess what I'm asking here is does anyone want to be that kind of friend with me? I feel so lonesome and left out looking at everyone having this joyous time at cons, and other people have to feel that way too, right?

Izlude · « **Reply #1 on:** April 10, 2012, 03:43:21 am »

Your age plays a small factor. Don't take that as an insult, I'm on the older side too being 27 myself.

Best thing you can do is try and strike up some good convo during an event you really like that someone else is attending also, for example, I make most con friends playing Street Fighter and During the raves, when playing SF in line for my next turn I ask other people why they play the character they do and stuff like that, and during the raves I go and dance with random people (that may be hard to do, I really "fit in" when it comes to that) be helpful, be fun, try not to be creepy (it happens).

Su Lu · « **Reply #2 on:** April 10, 2012, 05:46:53 pm »

I have trouble with this one too... But I think it's because I usually wait for people to approach me. If you're like my cosplaying a more popular character will help. But that's just my experience.

4evaRyuk · « **Reply #3 on:** April 10, 2012, 08:15:24 pm »

I'm the same too. I can be so awkward around people (I'm a wallflower) especially people my age. I just got into middleschool and dressing up as characters from shows isn't what's considered "cool" (not that I care) but I don't have anyone to go with really and most of the people that go to cons are so much older.

xRIxKUx · « **Reply #4 on:** April 12, 2012, 11:47:24 am »

You think too much lolx It's fairly easy!! Most of the time it really does, just start with "Hi".

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #5 on:** April 12, 2012, 11:59:23 am »

The forums is a great place to start.
I usually make my friends at photoshoots or Panels. It's harder for me to make them outside of those things. I'm just super shy. Lines are a great place too though, Sometimes I just get the conversation started by comment their costume because usually every cosplayer has something great.
just don't be afraid to interact

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #6 on:** April 13, 2012, 10:14:29 am »

Dun be discouraged! I'm going to be 20 on Sunday, and my mother has started the "You're too old for this crap Kaitlynne" stuff already. I got a harry potter tattoo yesterday and she was baffled by the fact that I'm still "into it" after ten years.

Now personally, I love the older cosplayers. They show that people like us will grow up to be awesome lol you're never too old to cosplay.
As for making friends, your friends here are your friends there. Plan a meet up before, during, or after con and go meet them face to face. A few of my friends here go to my school and I had no idea they did until I saw my friend emily wearing a kumo staff shirt lol I scared the crap outta her, I screamed "DID YOU GO TO KUMORICON?!" Right ouside the bookstore and we were instant friends lol

You don't necessarily need to be outgoing or anything to make friends at con that you don't know from the forums, you kinda just have to find some people with similar interests. Besides anime and manga lol or a specific anime or manga. Or food, music, anything. Just find someone you think you wanna be friends with, possibly take their picture for your secret friendship photoalbum >.> and then strike up a conversation. If you feel uncomfortable, let them know that you're trying to make friends at con and you're a little nervous. Its just like the first day of school.

I'm helping run the plus size panel (if it goes through) and you're welcome to come in and hang out with us. You'll make friends with me around lol I'm shameless!

fluffpuffgerbil · « **Reply #7 on:** April 13, 2012, 05:55:22 pm »

I'm the best at giving advice on anything really people-related, but I made a bunch of friends last year at K-con. The first girl I really started to talk to, my sister and I actually met ranting with her about the Black Butler panel being full! All three of us were cosplaying from there and due to the Black Butler photoshoot right before, pretty much no one could get into it who went to the photoshoot, unless you were hosting. But all of us just started ranting! And later we hosted our own Black Butler picnic in the park and talked a lot more there and with the other cosplayers there too and made a bunch of friends that we talk to over deviantArt mostly. We're trying to find a time to get together to cospaly at the mall, but we keep being busy at the wrong times.... XD

That's just my experience...

baka-imouto · « **Reply #8 on:** April 13, 2012, 07:03:20 pm »

I'm really into cosplay weaponry, experimental sewing techniques and interesting use of materials, so when I see someone's costume and they've got a weapon, or that costume construction looks unusual, I'll simply go up (If it doesn't look like they're busy) and I'll ask about the weapon's material and construction process. I really like learning how others made things so I can improve my own abilities. I'm really don't care what others think, but I'm pretty blunt and straightforward, but I have a wicked sense of humor and really get into character! I hope this little rambling helps a little!

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #9 on:** April 26, 2012, 12:12:02 am »

So um...does anyone want to hang out sometime?

Psych · « **Reply #10 on:** April 26, 2012, 01:58:52 am »

;A; That makes me sad, because I thought you were pretty cool at con! I remember you. I was just one of many Touko's, but I remember Ghetsis.

I have all the awkwards making friends in general, so I don't know if we could hang out outside of the board, but I wouldn't mind chatting here. You can PM me if you'd like.

Neku · « **Reply #11 on:** April 26, 2012, 08:22:28 pm »

I wouldn't mind, i'm kinda like you, have a hard time making friends, but would love a new one

can pm me if interested

nikkiolie · « **Reply #12 on:** April 26, 2012, 09:33:03 pm »

I meet most of my friends through the friends that I have now. Like all of my friends now I can trace to meeting one person. Going to meet-ups is a great way to meet new people. I mean it. You can meet a lot of people that way. Some of my best friends I have meet at meet-ups

The other way I have meet people is by cosplaying from the same series as them. Take Sakuracon for example. There was a girl that was cosplaying from Basara and her costume was amazing. She was going to be working the Funimation booth with me so I talked to her a bit online before hand. When I meet her in person she was really sweet. Through her I meet two other basara cosplayers and we had a blast. I also got to talking to one of my idol cosplayers through them as well.

Thats my 5 cents

4evaRyuk · « **Reply #13 on:** April 27, 2012, 06:11:18 pm »

I actually just made some new friends who are going to Kumoricon because of my best friend

govi · « **Reply #14 on:** April 27, 2012, 06:24:46 pm »

XD I have the same sort of problem. Most of the people that I hang out with at con are people that I've met online through LJ RP or whatnot, and have just convinced to come to Kumori. I haven't really met anyone that I got to be good friends with at Kumoricon just yet. (And I know the age thing, too--I'm turning 32 this year. I think part of it, too, is that I'm just not into most of the big fandoms.)

nikkiolie · « **Reply #15 on:** May 06, 2012, 08:55:50 pm »

Here is a picnic I am going to host this summer. Its a great way to meet new people
This is the event page
forum topic

AcidicSloan · « **Reply #16 on:** May 10, 2012, 10:32:52 am »

This is a bit troublesome for me as well, it seems like everyone has a ton of friends at convention. Then again, my first convention was last Sakuracon. I go with my 2 best friends and this will be my first Kumoricon and i'd really like to meet a friend or two, maybe more c: I'm 16 and i'm really shy. Its hard for me to approach people i'm just... socially awkward I guess...

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #17 on:** May 10, 2012, 01:55:38 pm »

YOU'RE GOING AS YAMI NO BAKURA?!

Dun worry, it'll totally be your friend now. Yami no Bakura is my all time favorite character in the whole freakin world. <3

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #18 on:** May 11, 2012, 02:16:10 pm »

So if I had a get-together at my house in Beaverton, would people want to come? I have a yard and can grill out, and I'd want people to bring some food themselves...I'm near the Quatama max station, if people can get out here.

Anyone interested?

@random · « **Reply #19 on:** May 11, 2012, 02:35:29 pm »

^ If you want to do this, it might be good to start a Plan Your Own Adventure topic for the idea and post a link to it here.

princess_of_zeal · « **Reply #20 on:** May 19, 2012, 10:13:54 pm »

I don't seem to have a problem. I often go up to a person and compliment them on their cosplay. (A real compliment that I actually mean) Now that I think about it, that's my #1 way. If you're the quiet type, you can just sit NEAR groups. This especially works if you go with their cosplay. Often they'll talk to you.

Once you make a friend, meet their friends.

I'm even in the older group of attendees. ^_^

Manganix78 · « **Reply #21 on:** May 19, 2012, 10:21:49 pm »

Quote from: princess_of_zeal on May 19, 2012, 10:13:54 pm

I don't seem to have a problem. I often go up to a person and compliment them on their cosplay. (A real compliment that I actually mean) Now that I think about it, that's my #1 way. If you're the quiet type, you can just sit NEAR groups. This especially works if you go with their cosplay. Often they'll talk to you.

Once you make a friend, meet their friends.

I'm even in the older group of attendees. ^_^

If it were only that easy..........

Titamus · « **Reply #22 on:** May 19, 2012, 11:39:38 pm »

I will try to show up but I will be your friend....YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY FRIENDSHIP! YAHOO!

princess_of_zeal · « **Reply #23 on:** May 20, 2012, 01:40:10 am »

Quote from: Manganix78 on May 19, 2012, 10:21:49 pm

Quote from: princess_of_zeal on May 19, 2012, 10:13:54 pm
I don't seem to have a problem. I often go up to a person and compliment them on their cosplay. (A real compliment that I actually mean) Now that I think about it, that's my #1 way. If you're the quiet type, you can just sit NEAR groups. This especially works if you go with their cosplay. Often they'll talk to you.

Once you make a friend, meet their friends.

I'm even in the older group of attendees. ^_^

If it were only that easy..........

You can see if it works on me. You know who I'm going as. *points to signature*

Edit: I can be a ditz so if you actually try this and I act like a wallflower (I can be), just say you're the guy from the forum.

Titus_Love_Doll · « **Reply #24 on:** May 26, 2012, 05:34:00 pm »

i make friends by doing nouthing alot of the time people will like your cosplay and go nuts but alot of the times i make friends by sitting there and being myself

DSaturn · « **Reply #25 on:** May 31, 2012, 04:10:56 pm »

I haven't made very many friends through con, like I probably should have for all that I have met, but I think that's because I go with a small group. Since I am usually with my small group, we strike up conversations with anyone and everyone who is in line with us, but we don't stay in contact longer than the line lasts, unless we see them in another line, and then never longer than con. I have a lot of people from con on facebook because I added myself to the list that is around the forums, but other than that it doesn't branch further.

The best way to make friends at con is to talk to people in line with you because you have time to kill in line. The best way to make con friends outside of con is to get involved with the conversations on the forums, and go to the meet-ups people plan. I wish that I could go to a lot of the meet-ups that people do, but I always seem to be busy when they're going on, and sadly I can't drag my group with me because half of them live in Central Oregon.

If you see my group at con, come talk to us and we'll most likely assimilate you into our folds... Wow, that sounds slightly evil.

Len-chan · « **Reply #26 on:** May 31, 2012, 05:37:31 pm »

*first kumoricon* I hope im able to make a lot of friends ^.^ *gunna have to try and not be shy*

Pixie · « **Reply #27 on:** May 31, 2012, 09:28:22 pm »

I may not have the best friend-making advice (I'm one of the outgoing instant-friends types) but I do have a couple of tips... first, I agree with previous posts on initially meeting people. Throw your fears of rejection in some dark corner, because even if you don't hit it off with the person, you will not be any worse off than if you didn't try at all.

It's like being at a buffet full of foods you never heard of. Sure, you could play it safe and not try the new food; it might taste bad. But when you do that, you just go hungry. Try the green goop. Try the pink salad. The worst that can happen is that it tastes bad after all, so you move on to a different dish.

Analogies aside, I have had many enjoyable conversations with complete strangers because I don't hold back. I know that's not a common trait, though, so I'd advise making an effort to try and consistently keep your thoughts and emotions out in the open when trying to make friends.

Some people will actively hold the majority of their thoughts and feelings back, and that holds them back as a result (also known as shyness). You don't need to try and tear down the wall all at once, just push through a little each time. Tell me you think my lunch looks weird, laugh when you find it funny that I got ice cream all over my face. It's not wrong, it's your personality, and that's a part of you. I read a quote once, and it couldn't be truer: "your friends know the real you, and like you just the same."

DSaturn · « **Reply #28 on:** June 02, 2012, 09:54:06 am »

Also, do be afraid to talk to people who are in a group. My group tends to be together most of the time, and I've noticed if we don't reach out to the people in line near us, they won't try and talk to us, yet I can see them in line with others striking up a conversation. If you talk to a group of people, 1) there's less pressure for you to keep the conversation going because there's more people to do it, 2) there's more likely someone in that group that is willing to go the extra mile and have a friendly chat, and 3) your more likely to find at least someone you click with.

I know in my group, almost all of us have a very different personality type. Me: Shy and quiet to strangers, but sarcastic, dirty joke minded, and playfully mean to those I know. Phoenixwolf: Serious, dry humor, boss/'this needs to be done at this time', very intellectual. Angelphire: Hyper silly, smart yet clueless, funny banter. Whitecougar: super friendly, easily excited, gofor.

When you jump into a conversation with a group that is diverse like that, you're more likely to click with at least one of the members, and then once you get to know the others more through that person, you will probably find ways that you click with them two. Then that one conversation you had that made you a friend, makes you more.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #29 on:** June 03, 2012, 11:28:33 am »

You know we could have a tiny, "Make-friends" picnic at con

Len-chan · « **Reply #30 on:** June 03, 2012, 11:50:19 am »

Quote from: Wrath-Chan19 on June 03, 2012, 11:28:33 am

You know we could have a tiny, "Make-friends" picnic at con

I second this

could we bring our own treats for it if it was outside of the hotels?

DSaturn · « **Reply #31 on:** June 11, 2012, 04:58:02 pm »

It might even be a good idea to have a picnic on Day 0 before sign in, and then again on Day 3 after con is over.

TalaRedWolf33 · « **Reply #32 on:** June 14, 2012, 10:45:44 am »

I agree with Dsaturn

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #33 on:** June 16, 2012, 09:09:15 am »

That does sound good
I do have some plans on day 0 but that's latter

DSaturn · « **Reply #34 on:** June 17, 2012, 11:37:54 am »

The question then is timing. Day 0 it should probably be about an hour or so before we can line up to check-in, that way we can all go from the picnic to the line together. Day 3 would be the more difficult one because I know some people are going to want to go to the closing ceremony, but others will have to leave in order to get back home. My group keeps talking about going to closing ceremony, but we've never made it, so I don't think any of us would mind. And, even though half of them come from Redmond, they are all staying until Tuesday. So, we don't have any of those issues. What about everyone else???

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #35 on:** June 20, 2012, 01:39:22 am »

Day 0 would be best for me, Also the idea of standing in line together sounds fun.
Day 3 I'm usually tired and this year I'm fairly busy so I doubt I'll be free

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #36 on:** June 26, 2012, 12:18:30 am »

Is anyone doing anything on the 4th of July? I'd be willing to have a party and fireworks at my place if anyone wants (also if I can clear it with my parents, but I think they're going somewhere).

Naitron · « **Reply #37 on:** June 27, 2012, 01:15:03 am »

I had the same problem last year but it was mostly my fault. I went with two friends who left in the evening so I hung out with my friends who were working at the Con. Ended up just hanging out with them and not meeting anyone new. Also I am older 25 years old and since most people are way younger it does make it harder. I think if I had cosplayed it'll be easier to break the ice and meet people.

maydrock · « **Reply #38 on:** June 27, 2012, 01:23:22 am »

Quote from: BlackjackGabbiani on June 26, 2012, 12:18:30 am

Is anyone doing anything on the 4th of July? I'd be willing to have a party and fireworks at my place if anyone wants (also if I can clear it with my parents, but I think they're going somewhere).

that would be awsome i would love to join

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #39 on:** June 28, 2012, 01:42:08 am »

Sweet. Should I make an event post or what?

Edit: http://www.kumoricon.org/forums/index.php?topic=16986.0 Screw it, I just made one.

Wrath-Chan19 · « **Reply #40 on:** June 29, 2012, 03:00:17 pm »

Quote from: BlackjackGabbiani on June 26, 2012, 12:18:30 am

Is anyone doing anything on the 4th of July? I'd be willing to have a party and fireworks at my place if anyone wants (also if I can clear it with my parents, but I think they're going somewhere).

I'm celebrating my birthday then, sorry

Naitron age isn't a problem,

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #41 on:** June 29, 2012, 10:38:37 pm »

All right so it seems my parents WILL be there, but they won't get in our way. And heck, bring your own parents.

We MIGHT have the hot tub up and running by then. I'll say if we do.

I also added a list of food that we have and what we would like, if anyone is so inclined. We're right by the Quatama MAX station!

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #42 on:** July 01, 2012, 07:39:45 pm »

...Hello? I have to say that I find it a bit disheartening that no one has RSVPed yet. Here's a perfect way to make con friends, among food and fun and fireworks! Bring everyone!

If I may, since this is a thread for asking how to make friends, is there some reason that people don't seem to want to come? Is it because I said that you could bring your parents? Is it the location, be it "at my house" or "way out in the suburbs"? What's a better way to get people to hang out?

Classy Viking · « **Reply #43 on:** July 01, 2012, 08:15:50 pm »

When I make friends at con, it almost always to my choice of Silk DBZ shirt and stylish goggles.

Who says clothes don't make the man.

sporkoon · « **Reply #44 on:** July 02, 2012, 12:16:07 am »

Quote from: BlackjackGabbiani on July 01, 2012, 07:39:45 pm

...Hello? I have to say that I find it a bit disheartening that no one has RSVPed yet. Here's a perfect way to make con friends, among food and fun and fireworks! Bring everyone!

If I may, since this is a thread for asking how to make friends, is there some reason that people don't seem to want to come? Is it because I said that you could bring your parents? Is it the location, be it "at my house" or "way out in the suburbs"? What's a better way to get people to hang out?

Be patient, the event has only been up for 2 days. It's hard to plan things on short notice. The location could also be a problem since there are internet predators out there and people might not want to go to a stranger's house for a first meeting. A centrally located public location would be your best bet.

BlackjackGabbiani · « **Reply #45 on:** July 02, 2012, 12:39:52 am »

Nngh. I'm not really sure how to have events elsewhere though, since I don't drive and thus can't transport things like food (and of course you can't take fireworks on the MAX).

It's odd though. The Portland Anime Club met at random people's houses and no one seemed to have issue with that.

DSaturn · « **Reply #46 on:** July 02, 2012, 11:25:10 am »

The forums usually move slow, and people check it on a different basis. With how slow it moves, some people only check the forums once a month, so it just might be because people haven't gotten on to see it. I've seen a lot of events fall apart because of how soon it was planned. A week later, a bunch of people will start replying that they would have gone if they had known, but they didn't check the forums soon enough. My guess is that that is probably what is going on.

There are a lot of events that are planned on the forums that take place at someones house, so I don't think that has much to do with anything, other than the location compared to where everyone else is at.

I, personally, just started a new job and don't even have a work schedule for this week yet, so I can't plan on doing anything. Otherwise I would try and be there.

DSaturn · « **Reply #47 on:** July 02, 2012, 12:28:48 pm »

I started a post for the picnic idea. I'm gonna turn it into a tradition.

http://www.kumoricon.org/forums/index.php?topic=16995.0

hikaru_maxwell · « **Reply #48 on:** July 16, 2012, 02:02:50 pm »

BlackJack, you know I would have been there if I was even in the area anymore. Moving to Oklahoma sucks.

Keep in mind that if you do make con friends one year, it can be hard to keep in touch with them later on. I know I became con friends with you a REAAAAAAALLY long time ago, but we lost touch after a while. (which is totally my fault, being the type to barely check my skype, or my msn, or my email, or the con boards, or even my phone -replying to texts a week later sometimes makes my friends really annoyed-).

As for making new con friends, part of the process is making sure you are ALREADY happy at con. People become less approachable if they seem angry or generally upset. I know if I'm at con and see someone I kind of know, but they look like they're in an angry funk, I'll actually avoid them because I'm afraid that if I talk to them they'll direct their anger at ME. But people who seem happy or at least neutrally open to conversation/hugs/random con games are the ones I feel more able to approach. Especially in lines. If you're going to be standing there for a long time anyway, making friends with the people before or behind you will really help with not getting bored, and you might end up making a good, long time, REAL friend because of it.

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Author Topic: How do you make con friends? (Read 10075 times)