Self Esteem and Rude Comments

[PandaPanda]

What do you do when your self esteem suddenly shoots down in the middle of con?


I've been struggling with it all con, and it's hit rock bottom today. Friends picking at my weight not really helping. I know I struggle with it, constantly working out and hardly eating, and I know I'm pretty round but still...I dressed up as a character from Naruto, and saw someone else who was so much better looking than me and more accurate. I got out of the costume almost immediately... Normally it wouldn't bother me, but my self esteem is just sooo low and I want to get out of it! ;w;


I haven't felt cute or comfortable at all this year, even though the last 3 years I always was... Almost everywhere I go, I see sharp stares, and I'm sure they aren't meant to be, but that's what I feel... I can't seem to feel any happiness or warmth this year. I just see and feel all the judgment. I even heard some girls walk by, giggle, and say "Did you see that fat bunny? Disgusting". It tore me apart, but my friends mostly said "Oh well, ignore it". Is anyone else struggling? What do you do when you hear stuff like that? Ignoring it isn't really working.

[OniYari]

One thing I've heard about that works for people is to imagine what most of them will look like as the typical overweight American in their thirties. It doesn't change the way you are thinking of older people but if you can learn to laugh at the thought of them and yourselves both now and at that age, you'll feel better over all as you realize none of it matters anyway.

[baka-imouto]

Rather than not eating have you seen a nutritionist to set up healthy eating goals? It's helped my girlfriend out so much and it's most likely going to be covered by insurance since it usually counts as preventative care.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

Those aren't your friends. Some joshing is expected among friends but if they're harassing you for your weight then honestly they're not your friends.

If someone is bullying you for your costume then bring it to the attention of the staff right away.

[princess_of_zeal]

I agree with some things mentioned here already. 


When your body doesn't get enough nutrients, it starts storing calories because it doesn't know when it will get enough again.  Setting up a nutritious diet is a better option.  Every person's body requires different amounts of different nutrients so I recommend contacting a doctor that specializes in this or a nutritionist to find the correct combination for YOU.  They will be able to help you other means of reaching your goal as well.


People that degrade you are not your friends.  If you feel they ARE your friends, let them know how you feel.  If they don't care, keep degrading you and etc., they still aren't your friends. 


Surround yourself with positive people that will help you go in the direction you want to go and truly understand you.


Myself, I rather have no friends than fake friends/bullies. 


As for strangers, you can stick up for yourself or you can accept that they don't know what they are talking about.  It doesn't make it right what they say regardless.


I do a lot of what I mentioned.  I surround myself with FRIENDS that don't degrade me.  Sometimes I want to be alone so sometimes I'm alone.  When I feel down, I avoid negative movies, music, books, people and etc. and surround myself with the opposite. 


Do stuff that uplifts you instead of things that drain you, even if it means changing a lot of things and getting rid of certain people in your life.


One year, I was Hina Ichigo and then next day Temari from Naruto.   While I was dressed as Temari, some girls were talking about how "that Hina" had huge boobs that were bouncing everywhere.  In my opinion, not an appropriate thing for strangers to be saying.  So, I tapped them on the shoulder and said "I was that Hina Ichigo".  They went silent and then said "You had a very nice wig!"  It felt nice to confront them and I felt a lot better.

[Valkyrie542]

I dressed as Lara Croft a few years ago, I had bigger thighs than her so I felt really self-conscious. 

What helped me get through the experience and start having fun was remembering that these are fictional characters we love and dress as; be the best version of that character YOU can be!

What also helps me with my confidence is to spend some extra time getting ready (getting comfortable in the actual costume, not rushing) and practice some empowering poses in the mirror - you might feel stronger and start to "own" the character you're cosplaying.

[FilkAeris]

When my little brother was about twelve, years and years ago, he dressed up as Tidus from Kingdom Hearts for a convention. It was a simple costume, not super accurate, but he loved the character and wanted to have fun "being" him for the day.

Halfway through the afternoon, a very polished and accurate Tidus cosplayer in her late teens or twenties came up to him and started listing off, to his face, everything that was technically inaccurate about his costume in a very snotty and lecturing tone. Being his big sister, as soon as I realized what she was saying, I told her to go away and think of something better to do with her time. She looked offended (!!??) but grudgingly went away. I was worried about my brother's response, but when I asked him if he was okay, he actually grinned at me - grinned! - and said that he wore his costume because he loved Tidus and loved having fun - and that person just seemed to love feeling better than other people.

That stuck with me, and it's what I try to remember when I hear snide comments from other cosplayers. You wore your costume out of love for the character and a sense of fun and adventure. If all they love is being cruel to others to make themselves feel "prettier" and "better", then their cosplay experience is a hollow one, and they're hollowing themselves out, too. /hugs/

[PaladinCecil79]

Although none of this has happened before in person, I went through some abuse at the Unofficial Sakura Con Group at Facebook.
Several of the people were accusing Vic Mignogna of being a pervert and were continually calling him obscene names.
Because of how long I've known him (I've been around him a lot at conventions over the past ten years), I know he's not that way and gave a calm and fair explanation not to buy into that stuff too easily.
All this did was set them off and they acted like they wanted me burned at the stake.
It haunted me for quite some time and is a major reason why I started holding an Anime Therapy panel (which I plan to submit for Kumoricon next year).

[Yu]

I've stopped cosplaying for the few years because of my appearence.


I'm a little overwieght but I think about average for your typical con-goer. That is not the problem. I know pleahty of woman who are much larger than I but still beautiful.


I take medication that destroys collegan, ( the stuff that keeps your skin tight and smooth) and the illness the medication for has made me very photo-sensitive since I was very little. Decades of scowling has given me tiny eyes and sooo many wrinkles on my forehead.


In short I look like a an angry old man had a child with a pug dog.


For a while I believed people when they told me I was being hard on myself, that no one else noticed.


Then I went to a day-event and some nasty lady yelled to me "Wow! You're ugly!"


Aside from my appearence, I'm a confident person. I told myself she was just some hateful person with probably no friends, she didn't know know me and I'd never see her again.


Still, it confirmed that no, I was not being hard on myself and yes, other people do see my grissled thirty year old face.


After missing out on a lot of fun this SC because of my insecurity and decided it'd never happen again. I worked so hard to make costume accurate and well-putgether and spent a lot of money on make-up. After hours of making sure both were as perfect as they could be I looked in the mirror and nearly cried. There's nothing I can do to look like a normal human being.


I think some people might be more understanding if they knew why I look the way I do, but I'm not about to tell everyone I meet my life story.


On that happy note-I can't tell you how to get over your insecurity. All I can say is to live in the moment. Yes, before and after the con, even looking in the hotel mirrors is soul-crushing but when I'm hanging out with my friends-who may just be being polite my ignoring my grotesque appearence- seem to accept me as part of the group and are just happy to have another to enjoy thier fandom with. Yeah, when I see those pictures afterwards, I feel badly all over again but it never feels as bad as I did when I missed out making new friends and having fun. So just enjoy those moments with your friends.

[veraca]

I think this is an inspiring woman and article to read, not just for people struggling with weight or bullying.
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/texas-woman-gain-weight-bullied/story?id=17228529

There's also an interesting documentary out that she produced about her. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3735302/

[fairly_foxy]

I went to a nutritionist, I lost weight... I became much thinner this year for con. Sad thing is, people still didn't pay much attention to me. However, you know what did change? I was able to keep up at convention, I felt proud of my cosplay even if people weren't photographing it because it was a cosplay I made myself and was something I always wanted to do, and I honestly feel like my mental health has gotten a lot better since I sought help for my issues.

This isn't to say I don't still struggle... but I did kinda wear a bunny constume and had people kinda walk passed me like it was nothing haha. I think it is because I am getting older and has nothing to do with weight. Nothing you can do about aging really. Just enjoy convention differently is all I have to say about that. You know those cosplays you thought nobody would know if you did them? I guess now would be a good time to do them because nobody would pay attention anyway. Even doing Sailor Venus I seem pretty invisible.

[PaladinCecil79]

Don't take it personal. Over the past seven years, I've been through that myself a lot.
On multiple occasions, I dressed as major characters from iconic Final Fantasy games that almost no one reacted to.
I even cosplayed Soul in multiple ways and still had no luck and I've talked to other cosplayers who have been through this wearing great costumes as well.

So don't let the lack of reactions discourage you. If you decide to cosplay again, one thing I suggest is finding creative ways to get in-character. I've done that with different costumes before and got great reactions and if you can come up with some clever ideas, it can be a lot of fun.