WARNING: Sexual Violence Triggers Present
Something apparently happened at Kumoricon this year that was profoundly disgusting and disturbing, and I want to make people aware of it. This incident has been weighing heavily on my mind, and thus affecting my body, for days, and I don’t think I will find peace until I make my thoughts on it known, and know that staff and attendees are aware.
I heard about this incident on Sunday, second hand from an attendee that I desperately hope I never have to interact with again, so there will need to be verification of its veracity, of course. The attendee had been talking about how he had attended an erotic fanfic panel with a voice actor from Resident Evil. I do believe it was the Saturday D.C. Douglas Notorious Erotic Fanfic Show. It may not have been that panel, but that is my guess given what the attendee mentioned. He was bragging and laughing about how he and the voice actor had made a skit of sorts about rape. This attendee reenacted it, gesticulating and making horrible pant and grunt noises, talking about how one had mockingly advanced on another and said, "I'm raping you!" He was so proud of himself for being involved in this sick 'joke' at the panel.
At that point I was instantly physically nauseated and had to make sure I found a place and a way to calm down. It is easy to understand that there are terrible people out there who would find a rape joke funny, but I was incredibly shocked at the insinuation that a voice actor guest, someone who is supposed to represent Kumoricon and uphold its values, was apparently a willing participant in the mockery of rape victims. The mockery of people like me. I do not think I will be able to look at this Douglas person without fear, if he is the kind of person who finds rape funny. Maybe this was all lies told by that sick attendee, but if it is not there are surely others who attended that panel who would be able to verify.
I know that the concept of PTSD has become somewhat of a joke on the internet at this point, but for some people triggers are a painful reality. I try to be a strong person, but everyone has moments when they are feeling weaker, or when they are caught off guard. When I hear the word 'rape’ that one word destroys me with all the ideas and memories it is has connected. In that moment, I feel weak and helpless again, thrown back into the past, and sometimes I stay feeling that way for days after a flashback. Then the anger rises. Anger at what happened, but also anger at the person that brought it all back.
Worse, if someone makes a 'joke’ out of this dreadful experience… I am trying so hard to explain myself right now, but I do not know if I have the words for how terrible this is and how terrible it makes me feel. It baffles me that people do not understand why 'joking’ about rape is wrong. There is nothing funny about getting all of your choice and all of your power taken from you and having your body violated and violated and violated. A lot of people have said “It is just a joke.” People say you can joke about anything. Some things should truly not be joked about. If you make light of rape, make a mockery of it, act like it is not as dreadful as it really is, you are contributing to the problem of where rape is not taken seriously.
I want this all to have not happened. I had plans that night. It was my baby brother’s big twenty first birthday party. Instead of going to this party, something I have been looking forward to for years, I got to spend that time sobbing into my blankets in bed. There was no way I was going to be able to recover from what I had overheard enough to go to the party I had looked forward to. This isn’t the kind of experience I want to remember from my time at Kumoricon. I love this convention. I’ve attended Kumoricon twelve times. Never before have I encountered something this horrible from my con. I hope that it was just one, single bad apple who was lying about the whole thing. But if it is true that there was a rape 'joke’ at the Douglas panel, supported by the con guest himself, then I hope we never see that man’s face again at Kumoricon.
I don't want this voice actor's name dragged through mud unless this is verified. He's brought to life a lot of characters people love. I want this incident looked into. If it proves to be true, I want something done about it so that it does not happen again.
