Since starting my journey down the path of this con in 2006, year after year I've attended, and along the way, I've gained and lost friends to time, added and refined my army of cosplays, even landed a cosplaying GF for 3 great years. I had fought fiercely against anxiety before, if only by suppressing and subduing it with more focus on simply cosplaying as awesomely as I could. I've even given such moments the name "Day-makers," like rays of warm sunlight piercing the lonesome cloudy atmosphere, I'd brighten my own day by brightening another's.Though age 30 may seem so young in some eyes, it still feels a strangling barrier and an anxiety amplifier at times, even with a simply cool cosplay and the bold charisma it boosts. There have been cosplay groups and meets when such anxiety has paralyzed my hopes of enjoying their company. fearful that they would reject me for being "too old" or being the only male among mostly females, when in fact they might actually be superchill and highly casual. Uncertain who to turn to for aid or even seek to befriend, yet too loyal all this time to stop attending now, I hope to plan for Kumo 2018. Though like most recent years, I haven't much to plan until a month prior, as my crafting skills feel too low to anticipate any large multi-month projects.
Save for a small handful, nearly all the friends I knew who went have faded away. and so I have an interest in the Cosplay Contest despite being only myself against it all. Aside from browsing the Dealer's Hall and playing panel pinball, my main place to visit is the Games Hall, in a way a distraction from the social turbulence by instead focusing on pushing buttons or rolling dice, or casting card combos. In addition to cosplay and conventions, I have also seen at least 10 years of experience in the LARP of Amtgard, and its numerous possibilities of cosplay, crafting and foam combat. Ways to worry less about which group may accept oneself and more about how to outwit their opposition.
I had thought about enlisting in the Kumo Staff, but I had never sought to attend a staff meeting, nor have any certainty of where my talents would benefit. Yet another area the restless Anxiety Kraken has its tentacles constricting. I am grateful for the small crew of friends who I collaborate on a hotel room with each year, but knowing that there's hope of obtaining a few more might also be nice. With attendance numbers growing year-by-year, it's a vexing wonder of how many others feel the same void of attending alone among thousands, or how many among them may feel so blinded by their assumed fate that they walk right past opportunities to break the mold?
