This might sound a little deep for a random spot but I have no other place to post it. -_-
I'm feeling regretful after effects of the cosplay contest.
Publicly, it was the first skit I ever did. Personally it was my desperate attempt to stand out. To make a well done skit that was also a sample of a great game I made. At any meetup I went to I always felt shy and unable to be helped to break the ice, even compared to the first timers. I feel like I'm well known, but in the wrong impression, and with no way to step in and fix it. New, shy people get pulled in. I feel like I've tried and blew my shot.
My skit, I knew was a heavy burden to bear, but as I lifted it high, my group and I would stand out among the crowd. I waited for an opportunity to shine, and jumped at the shot. But I underestimated the burden and almost fell over and crashed because of it, if it weren't for my crew and their clever backup skit. I don't know what anyone who saw the skit thought about it, but I feel ashamed for putting my players through so much stress in a skit that demanded more than what was available. Ashamed for my selfish reason for wanting to do it. I know I have friends in low places scattered across the valley, but I feel like Kumoricon was my last great attempt at showing what I can do. This skit was just another demonstration of how hard I try...of how I try too hard.
Now that the smoke's cleared and the big weekend over, thoughts cross my mind, like what's next? What else is there to work towards other than the long wait for next year or the next con that's months away? What else is there for me to accomplish? I've tried everything I know to make my mark, even my greatest, well planned effort which nearly blew up in my face. I've tried and lost, what more can I do? I don't know, maybe I'm just blowing cosplay depression smoke. I've got no way to make anything that could be something great for a con or meetup right now, and even if I went, I've got nothing to gossip about.
Has anyone else felt so low, so defeated?
I know this post is going to get passed up and lost in the pages. But I'd rather waste the space of one post rather than have a topic stand out like a stepped on sore thumb.