I have no idea what to do D:

[Hazuza]

NOTE: Semi-angsty/depressed person here needing help with her friendship D: If you don't like topics like this, leave now and spare yourself the time... =w=


I hate posting personal matters in places like this, but I'm just completely at a loss right now ._.
I can't post it on the sites I usually go on because she watches me there, and I don't really want to hurt her feelings much, so....
Okay.

I have this friend that I have went to Sakuracon this year with, and Kumoricon the last. At first I thought it would be fun to meet up again once in a while, since she lives in Seattle and I'm in Oregon, and we have been 'friends, so to speak, since around 4th grade.

But... she's kind of changed. I like talking to her and visiting her, but I don't like her staying with me when I go to cons anymore. She'll call me names, share stories _{(though they're true >_>)} about me behind my back, and will even physically hurt me at times... It's hard to ignore, and it just ruins my con experience and all the fun I wish I could be having in my little safe-haven.
That's why I was so lonely at sakuracon, and didn't join in on any games in the courtyard. ._.; I've talked to her about it.... Though it hasn't improved much at all. (At least the physical abuse has went down =w= ) And I really, REALLY have no idea how I'm supposed live through another con with her.

I mean... I don't want to make it hard for her, since I know she likes kumoricon and it would be hard for her to get a hotel... But meh. I don't think I can deal with having her in my house and following me around for most of the con. We have our good times, but....

I hate how it's near impossible to 'break up' with friends.

Anyone have any tips for how I can deal with her? I could try to get her to change, but what could I do that wouldn't make her start laughing at it being 'corny', or that wouldn't seem too much like therapy?
Or maybe I could just not let her stay with me for Kcon... To me, it seems like the best way out...

---

EDIT; FGHSDJAJHFL Okay maybe I should note. The day before Sakuracon she tried to kill herself with an overdose of some sort. o_o; So... this is harder than I thought. Whenever I ask, or anyone asks, she just says she's depressed and doesn't know why. She'll say 'it runs in the family' or something =w=; I... think I know what I should say to her, but I really want some input on this.

[goatchild]

It's really hard dealing with people who are really depressed, because the hardest thing to do when you're depressed is to try and help yourself. ^^; If she doesn't want to see a psychiatrist or get antidepressants, or can't because of cost and insurance issues, then she has to decide to help herself. You can try and help her as much as you can, but she has to try as well, which is really the hardest part. If she doesn't want to get better, there's not much you can do about it. It's really hard staying friends with people who are so depressed, but sometimes what they really need is friend who is determined to help them through it. Sometimes when people try to commit suicide, it's because they don't know how to ask for the help they need.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, but me and a lot of my friends have gone through or dealt with people with really severe depression, so I feel very strongly about it. ^^; It sounds like what she needs right now is help, whether it's from you or someone else. You have to decide yourself just how much you want to deal with her at the moment. Good luck to the both of you!

[Kahlan4]

^i know what you mean about depression. i've known people with it and actually struggle with it myself... it used to be really bad. but, i had friends who were willing to deal with me and help me because they cared so much, as much as i didn't believe they really cared at the time.

so, if you can deal with some of the things your friend does, try to help, but it's up to you to decide what you can and can't handle. friends are always helpful in hard times, even if the person doesn't act like it's helping or isn't appreciative- they will be at some point.

you have quite a while before kumoricon, so maybe try to keep in contact with her and help her that way. if things don't change and you still don't think you can handle being around her, tell her, with time enough in advance that she can find a hotel room or something, how you feel. i mean, tell her you care but you don't know how to help even though you've tried. but for now, while you have time, try to hang in there and talk with  her about it, or just listen to her if she needs someone- that's often all any of us really need.

sorry to ramble, but, like i said, i have a problem with depression and have spurts of okay-ness and not okay-ness, so i just suggested maybe a couple things that could help... i'm sorry she takes things out on you though, and you're a great friend for still caring and wanting to help, i really commend you on that ^.^ stay strong!!

[Hazuza]

Yeah, she takes antidepressants, but even she's not sure that they work. Though most of the time, she doesn't seem depressed or anything like that, just a tad rude or angry o-o; (maybe bipolar or something, I'm not sure.) I hadn't even known that she was depressed until recently.

I hate how I take depression and such so lightly >.< I dunno, I guess you're right about how I should help her out with that a bit, too. I'll talk a bit more and try not to rush into any sort of decision ._. I'm not that good at talking with people, so at times it's hard...

It's so confusing though x.x

I..... Aw gee. *can't think of what to say*

Oh well, thanks for the input.

[Kahlan4]

hrm... well try confronting her again about the rudeness/anger factor, and be firm about it? i'm not sure how to help though i wish i could >.< good luck with everything

[superjaz]

dealing with friends that are depressed can be very diffucult, I say this as a person who has tried to help a very depressed friend, and as a psychology major (well one term till graduation anyway)

the question is where to draw the line? when they hurt you
there are obviously reasons why you like this person to have a friendship, but that is not an excuse to let them put you down to make themselves feel better, it really isn't doing your friend any good, its a temp fix to make them feel better and it can have lasting negative effects on your self esteem

I would let this person know that you do know want to room with them at the next con, for both your sakes, because you care more about keeping this person as a friend, then rooming with them during a con
(this happens a lot when people move in with friends during collage and need to move out before they are no longer friends)

feel free to let them know about the trip planner thread on k-con forums (after this thread has died, i think they prob have a thread like this on the sakura con forums i dont know)

I dont know if this helps or not feel free to pm or post if somthing i said was confusing

[BlackjackGabbiani]

If she tried to kill herself that recently, why isn't she in a hospital right now?

[Hazuza]

@Jaz- Thanks a lot for posting, I'm usually such a pushover and was starting to think I was being slightly overreactive or something, but you're right o.x Thanks for giving me some solid ground...


@Blackjack- Okay, I think I'm unsure about the date... I know she was in the hospital most of last Friday, but not sure how long before... I believe her when she tells me, it's not something you'd really lie about, and not something I would want to ask too much about =/
She also had believable proof she had an IV in her. She said she tried to overdose on sleeping pills or something like that. x-x;

[BlackjackGabbiani]

Oh, I'm not saying that she lied, I'm saying that if she's a danger, she should be kept someplace where they can keep an eye on her.