Partners who don't understand why we staff or attend cons?

[RemSaverem]

I know I'm not the only one in this situation--
Who else out there has a partner who is completely perplexed why we bother with cons?
Mine is mind-boggled, and in fact has been slightly distant since....
It's one thing if we have partners who are also otaku, but just work weekends, or live far away, or don't like crowds, or can't afford to come....in my case I've been trying really hard to find anime and manga that will appeal to my partner, who has no real background therein. My only success so far has been Paprika.....he even only was willing to watch half way through Nausicca!

Help!

I have no idea what to do in this situation. No really.
Maybe there could be some suites in the hotel that people rent together, specifically for their significant others who are not into coming to con, to have a place to hang out and people to hang out with?? Anyone ever try this??

[superjaz]

this makes me think of a friend of mine who loves japanese culture and the japanese languge, and whose husband dosent
makes her feel like they dont have ything in common and
it creates some really bad tiffs every now and then

sad to sad i havent been able to help her

[xxxchihiroxxx]

nah :3 my girlfriend (before we went our own ways) was in to anime to, she didnt attend cons because she didnt really want to but she was suportive of me going and really nice about it ^oo^

[Trumby]

Thankfully I haven't had to deal with this sort of thing, as my girlfriend also goes to cons with me. My family may not really understand it but they think it is interesting and always like to see the pictures I come back with.

I'm not really sure how I would deal with a significant other not wanting to watch anime/have anything to do with it.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

My parents don't get it at all. Especially when I get stressed and they're all "Why don't you just not go?" They don't understand that not going isn't an option.

I've showed them some stuff. They liked Princess Mononoke, but that was about it.

[valliegirl]

I'm just really really lucky.  My family gets it cause my Mom and my Aunt were(are) geeky fangirls so I grew up going to Star Trek conventions and Renaissance Festivals.  I learned well, and my younger sister is also following the blue print pretty well.   

And I married one Tomthefanboy so I don't think I'll ever have to worry about my husband not understanding why I go to conventions.

[shademalek]

I honestly don't know if I could deal with that. Anyone I've ever dated or been involved with liked anime/geek culture at large in some fashion. Because it is suck a large and driving force in my life, I really couldn't be with someone that didn't share in it at least in a small way.

[Serika]

I'm not a huge fan of anime either but I still go, and while it would be cool to have a designated place to go and talk about things that are not anime and don't involve "omg i lost the game!!!!!" every ten milliseconds, the con is targetted towards anime fans, not friends of anime fans or loathers of japan. 


woo run-on

[allstarsniper32]

I wouldn't mind if my girl didn't want to go to a con, as long as she was open about watching something new. If I was with someone and I tried to show them something I like and they just went "I don't like it" without watching it I would have to leave them, be it anime or music. Also, I really don't mind looking at all the attractive...er nice people in cosplay .

[Mister_manji]

My parents don't get it at all. Especially when I get stressed and they're all "Why don't you just not go?" They don't understand that not going isn't an option.

I've showed them some stuff. They liked Princess Mononoke, but that was about it.

Everybody likes Princess Mononoke!

[RemSaverem]

We had a bit  breakthrough last night!! because I showed him the Rem Saverem episode of Trigun, from whence I gleaned my screen name and email addy (rem_saverem_was_right@yahoo.com). I used his curiosity about the origin of those to get him to watch it, and her beliefs that she teaches Vash in this ep are totally in accord with my partner's Buddhism and vegetarianism, so he really liked that. Then I mentioned that I'd emphasized this episode in the Religion in Anime and Manga panel, and he kind of perked up a bit. In childhood he collected Star Wars figures, and I brought him home a Darth Vader head from I'd Just As Soon Kiss A Wookie! Star Wars Panel (thanks Meg-Chan!) (and the watermelon I won with a wookie's head drawn on it) and he was into that. Today I'm wearing an Anime Evolution staff shirt, and he likes the art on it. So it's not hopeless

Thanks everyone!

[DancingTofu]

My best friend is like that.  I've been trying for 3 years to get him to come to Kumoricon and destroy everyone at DDR (he's got some killer records and, even now that he doesn't ever play, he can hop on a DDR machine and smash me on pretty much any song except a handful that I'm really good at), and just thinks he's going to be surrounded by idiots who cosplay from really cliché manga and will try to rape him and do sacrilegious things to him because he speaks Japanese fluently.  He's a pretty wishy-washy guy too so even if he pre-regs and gets a room I wouldn't be sure he'd show up.

[RemSaverem]

Hm, the flake factor...yeah sometimes we make plans and he backs out, but living all the way in Eugene, without a car, I doubt that if I got him to Portland that he'd avoid the con entirely.....anyway, I've decided I'm just going to keep plugging away, bringing home DVDs and manga from the library (one of his main issues is that he doesn't see such as worth spending our meager amount of "spare" cash on)....I'm going to look online for the Buddha manga series....and I'll look for AMVs to songs that he likes.....

Does anyone know if there have been any cons that have had more cultural content and perhaps even info on Buddhism and Shinto at cons?

[SentientSoul]

My ex wasn't much of an anime fan. She did go to K-con 06 and Sakura 07 with me, but only for the experience of meeting new people and not for the anime fandom itself. Though she did "get it," and understood why I was a fan, she wasn't into it too much.

[~boogiepop~]

I have to say I'm one of the lucky ones too. I actually met my boyfriend through a friend of ours at Kumoricon '07. He's not completely obsessed over anime like I am but he likes it enough that we can sit around and watch stuff together and have a great time.

[makichan]

I have the gamer boyfriend. While I'm not a huge gamer myself, we're both really into anime, so we're always finding new things to watch together. Last year, I even convinced him to come with me to kumoricon and now that he's starting to get comfortable (he's been to 2 cons now), he's actually debating to ::happytear:: cosplay with me
Yay!
I also consider myself to be a very lucky girl to have a man who's so secure with his masculinity that he'll publicly kiss me, even while I'm in crossplay lol.
If things do work out, we'll be cosplaying Blair and Soul from Soul Eater at Sakuracon x3

[DancingTofu]

I have to say I'm one of the lucky ones too. I actually met my boyfriend through a friend of ours at Kumoricon '07. He's not completely obsessed over anime like I am but he likes it enough that we can sit around and watch stuff together and have a great time.

Stop that.  Gaming needs him. :[

[RemSaverem]

I also consider myself to be a very lucky girl to have a man who's so secure with his masculinity that he'll publicly kiss me, even while I'm in crossplay lol.

That's TOTALLY awesome.

[BigGuy]

I've met my last three Girlfriends at cons(all 3 at Sakuracon actually)
I'm single now but that has nothing to do with anime/cons.
 Cons are a great dating pool cause your sure to find someone who has at least one thing in common with you.

[totemo_oishii]

Haha, sometimes I worry about that. I've never had a boyfriend, though I'll make sure he knows of my...antics? lol

My family was kind of confused about conventions and cosplaying when I first started attending in '05, but now when I mention a con, they ask "do you have a costume?". I'm glad they're okay with it, haha~

[laurifer]

I think it's a little weird sometimes, but if i find a special someone that completely understands me, then it would make my life a whole lot easier.

Regardless of whether that happens or not, I'm sure whoever I'm with will be open-minded enough to accept me for who I am

[megchan]

. In childhood he collected Star Wars figures, and I brought him home a Darth Vader head from I'd Just As Soon Kiss A Wookie! Star Wars Panel (thanks Meg-Chan!) (and the watermelon I won with a wookie's head drawn on it) and he was into that.
Thanks everyone!

D'awww you're so sweet!! I'm glad you liked it!!

But as for more cultural content, Sakuracon has a lot more cultural type things (like dancing, tea ceremony, and classic music) just because it's bigger/has more history so more of a pull for things like that! Plus it'll also have the Star Wars Panel! Hahaha shameless self promotion!

[nikkiolie]

I want to find a guy that likes the same stuff I do. I would love to have a guy that will cosplay some couple from anime and video games. That is one of my dreams, but for now I will have to settle with a best friend that knows me enough to help me with fan service

[Higuma]

I am so glad my wife likes anime and cosplay as much as I do. I makes life easy. My brother on the other hand cannot stand anime and does not get it, but some of his friends do. (he will never admit it but he sat down and watched the first four eps. of death note w/ me)

[RemSaverem]

*Loves to Meg-chan* Well the biggest issue that my boyfriend has with me being in cons is about expending about as much $$ in a 3 or 4 day period as he might in a month (seriously). So...cons closer to home a a better bet.
I'm going to *try* to interest him in MEW Con, because it's the next-closest; because it includes sci-fi and fantasy; because I love its founder; because she's asked us (Creation Station) to run a room there; and because my boyfriend makes some allowances for frivolity for New Year's

Also because I'm imagining a smaller crowd for his first con might be less intimidating.

And because when it's nice weather, he'd rather that we go hiking or camping; but December? Nah....

Anyway: Everyone else who posted, I totally hear ya. I really do think that having common interests is essential for remaining a couple....I don't think I could be long term with anyone who did not at least respect my individuality in all of its components, and I theirs, regardless of how different such might be.

It's just a surprise to me to find that when I think of that statement, I think of my involvement in cons as something that a partner "just has to accept"......rather than something I would look for a partner who would share in it with me. I think that's because the past 3 years, I took my boyfriends (a different one each year) to cons with me, and it wasn't a great experience. There were very deeply personal reasons why each was not the right person for me to be with......and each did things at con that I considered irresponsible and/or deliberate disses of me.....too personal to go into.....but yeouch. I can honestly say that I had a better time at this KC and did a more effective job running Creation Station and another panel for having been there unaccompanied, staying in touch with my boyfriend over email. It's just that ever since I got home, things haven't been entirely as close and bonded between us, and I think it's because on some unconscious level he doesn't like that I have this other world that he's not part of...........

Who knows........but I feel SOOOO much better for having all of you to bounce ideas around with!
*loves*

[allstarsniper32]

I just want to say that if he really doesn't like this other world you participate in without him, it's really his own fault. Hopefully he'll realize it's no big deal, especially since you aren't forcing him to attend with you.

[DancingTofu]

There is a reason why I look for girls at the arcade. ;]

[RemSaverem]

I just want to say that if he really doesn't like this other world you participate in without him, it's really his own fault. Hopefully he'll realize it's no big deal, especially since you aren't forcing him to attend with you.

Well not to get emo on everyone lol! But it's really hurting my feelings how he's made like a 180 in our relationship since I left for con. I won't go into too many details but it's clear to me, though he hasn't admitted it, that my doing something on my own (although it was his choice not to attend) changed our dynamic and not for the better.

I can only keep trying.

[Higuma]

I just want to say that if he really doesn't like this other world you participate in without him, it's really his own fault. Hopefully he'll realize it's no big deal, especially since you aren't forcing him to attend with you.

Well not to get emo on everyone lol! But it's really hurting my feelings how he's made like a 180 in our relationship since I left for con. I won't go into too many details but it's clear to me, though he hasn't admitted it, that my doing something on my own (although it was his choice not to attend) changed our dynamic and not for the better.

I can only keep trying.

I am sorry if this seems cold but if you watching anime and going to cons bothers him so much that it has changed your relationship, He just needs to grow up. I will be married for 10 years in october and watch football every sunday like I will never see another game again. I do fantasy football and am a real geek when it comes to football (Go Giants!) just like with anime. I have yet to see my wife watch a whole football game or even talk sports. She did not know how much football played a role in my life when we got married, but nothing changed because of it. Both she and I have tried new things for the other person and liked it or not. If not we just say "hey I tried it but its not my thing" It should not be a big deal.

[RemSaverem]

I just want to say that if he really doesn't like this other world you participate in without him, it's really his own fault. Hopefully he'll realize it's no big deal, especially since you aren't forcing him to attend with you.

Well not to get emo on everyone lol! But it's really hurting my feelings how he's made like a 180 in our relationship since I left for con. I won't go into too many details but it's clear to me, though he hasn't admitted it, that my doing something on my own (although it was his choice not to attend) changed our dynamic and not for the better.

I can only keep trying.

I am sorry if this seems cold but if you watching anime and going to cons bothers him so much that it has changed your relationship, He just needs to grow up. I will be married for 10 years in october and watch football every sunday like I will never see another game again. I do fantasy football and am a real geek when it comes to football (Go Giants!) just like with anime. I have yet to see my wife watch a whole football game or even talk sports. She did not know how much football played a role in my life when we got married, but nothing changed because of it. Both she and I have tried new things for the other person and liked it or not. If not we just say "hey I tried it but its not my thing" It should not be a big deal.

See that's totally where I was in my head about that. Especially as I went *way* out of my way, more than I could possibly describe appropriately here, to open up to (and logistically support) his pursuit of becoming a Buddhist teacher.

I think in part though to be fair this was my bad because if I had commuted back to Eugene, or if I had convinced him that it was worth the expense to pay to stay in Portland somewhere that let us bring our cat, then he would at least have seen that I was staying grounded and staying "the same person" even while at this extravagant, to-him-foreign event.

Anyway....yah. In particular he's been insulting me especially today for what he considers to be being "childlike"....I've tried talking with him about more intellectually sophisticated anime with philosophical implicactions (and even mentioned some of the more "adult" stuff) but ...yah. Well. I guess I can also look at my life and say well I could try dropping the subject for a month and see if that helps.....

[makichan]

Just be true to yourself. If anime is something that you enjoy, you shouldn't have to hide it. I know of someone else that can relate to your particular situation (well, sort of).
The girl has a boyfriend who is sort of into anime but decided not to go to the con, even though he was invited. During the con, he'd send her texts saying things that made her feel guilty for even coming. The reason that he was so upset was because she didn't ask him enough times to come lol how moronic.
I told her that if he has such a big bone to pick with her personal interests and is so insecure about her having a life, then she shouldn't worry about it. Life is too short to regret living ::shrugs::
I also have my family that nags at me for "wasting my money on costumes". Hhhmmm, so it's a waste to have a personal hobby? Even though they spend countless dollars on Golf, Fishing supplies, concerts, etc.? Pfft, well... forget that xD
I have a great time whenever I go. Plus, I get to hang out with old friends while making new ones.
Some people just won't understand, but the ones who do are worth getting to know 

[Higuma]

I just want to say that if he really doesn't like this other world you participate in without him, it's really his own fault. Hopefully he'll realize it's no big deal, especially since you aren't forcing him to attend with you.

Well not to get emo on everyone lol! But it's really hurting my feelings how he's made like a 180 in our relationship since I left for con. I won't go into too many details but it's clear to me, though he hasn't admitted it, that my doing something on my own (although it was his choice not to attend) changed our dynamic and not for the better.

I can only keep trying.

I am sorry if this seems cold but if you watching anime and going to cons bothers him so much that it has changed your relationship, He just needs to grow up. I will be married for 10 years in october and watch football every sunday like I will never see another game again. I do fantasy football and am a real geek when it comes to football (Go Giants!) just like with anime. I have yet to see my wife watch a whole football game or even talk sports. She did not know how much football played a role in my life when we got married, but nothing changed because of it. Both she and I have tried new things for the other person and liked it or not. If not we just say "hey I tried it but its not my thing" It should not be a big deal.

See that's totally where I was in my head about that. Especially as I went *way* out of my way, more than I could possibly describe appropriately here, to open up to (and logistically support) his pursuit of becoming a Buddhist teacher.

I think in part though to be fair this was my bad because if I had commuted back to Eugene, or if I had convinced him that it was worth the expense to pay to stay in Portland somewhere that let us bring our cat, then he would at least have seen that I was staying grounded and staying "the same person" even while at this extravagant, to-him-foreign event.

Anyway....yah. In particular he's been insulting me especially today for what he considers to be being "childlike"....I've tried talking with him about more intellectually sophisticated anime with philosophical implicactions (and even mentioned some of the more "adult" stuff) but ...yah. Well. I guess I can also look at my life and say well I could try dropping the subject for a month and see if that helps.....

I agree with makichan. Dont change who you are because another person cant handle you liking anime. Its not like your a drug addict or a violent person, then you would need to change. I still dont understand why this bothers him so much? To be honest, for someone who wants to be a buddhist teacher he doesnt sound very enlightened. My brother and dad can not understand why my family spends so much time and money on anime(or as they call them cartoons) and cons. Well for us it is something that me and my wife and my kids have in common. We do cons as a family, its like our vacation and the kids look forward to cons more than anything else.......ok well after christmas. So even though the act of going to cons or sitting at home watching anime or going to manga book clubs is a way of bonding and spending time with our children would your partner think that is "Childish"? I have three children, ages 9,7 and 5 in order to relate to children you have to some times be childlike. Also most anime is not for children, it is for older teens and adults. I just think it is sad you will support him in something you may not understand but he is not willing to support you in something he may not understand. I think he may need more classes or life expirence before he is ready to teach anyone. Life is for living! If you like anime watch anime, if you spend all your money on a con instead of a couch or something well now you have memories to last you. I want to go to japan and I only have one life so its either go or dont go before I die. I may not be easy and it may cost every thing I have but some day on my death bed I will have that memory of japan or cons or what ever instead of saying " I wish I got to do that".

[RemSaverem]

The main thing for me is, I got involved in cons before I ever really watched a lot of anime or had read a single manga, because a friend needed help judging the fanfic contest and I edit professionally (textbooks and such). So I helped with that contest, and through the process, learned about the shows folks wrote their fanfics about. And now ironically enough years later I'm actually really enjoying what I'm viewing and reading in terms of canon anime and manga and not just the fanfics....and I would never have guessed that that would be an issue. I'm getting them from the library, so there's no expense...

anyway, I really believe that a relationship has to be based on mutual support and understanding, but that not every habit and preference has to be shared. So, hopefully things will resolve....And thanks everyone for your support and personal stories.....And to the person 2 posts ago, yeah that guy sounds somewhat passive aggressive / game playing...