It's awesome that you're somewhat asexual Tanis. And I agree with everyone. I think that as long as you're happy with what you have, either a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or just a friend, that it's all the same. I'm sure Ari would say the same...(but she'd prefer the girlfriend which would be namely her. xD)
Thing is, I started with Asperger's Syndrome, a horrible sort of mental disorder which started me off with no ancestral memories, so to speak; I had no emotions, no prejudices, no fears, no nothing at all. A few years back I was undiagnosed, but during that time, I was learning from a book. I learned about happy, I learned about sad, and I liked these two emotions, and I thought they were neat. Then I learned about funny, and I thought it to be the best thing ever. I learned about anger and madness, and wondered why anyone would ever be like this. I learned about boredom, and I know boredom like the back of my hand. And as I learned, I made my learning reflexive. And I made my reflexes instinctive. I rebuilt those ancestral memories from the ground up.
The neat thing about all this is that I know how to play with emotions. I can make you take on virtually any emotion in the book, even those subtled nuanced ones in between happy and anger. (Think about that for a moment, and I can show you, make you feel how that's actually possible.) I can read people like none other.
The big thing is that because I never understood the purpose of anger and madness, that I really don't want to express those emotions; they'd be way too destructive. Folks'd get pissed and try to kill a wall. Never understood why. Trust me, though, I know frustration like any other. My frustration isn't a sort of "Dammit! HOW DARE THEY!" sort of frustration; it's a "I'm in a pickle, gotta get out" sort of frustration.
So yeah, you can't actually piss me off to the point where I become screaming and horrible.
But that's not the point. The point is that along the way, I never learned about romantic love. Whenever I'd ask about it, everyone would say (and I urge you once again to read the entire thread again before you read past this point) that romantic love is "finding the right person". Honestly, I have no real prejudices, because I have no ancestral memories of that sort. Certainly I can find some people to be dicks and douches, but that's only after I've seen their actions. I make no initial judgments towards someone's capacities; this goes for not only evil, but good too. Everyone starts off as a blank slate for me.
There will never be a love at first sight. Ever. Sure, someone can be cute at first sight, but that's just me looking at them. Anyone can look at anyone else. Anyway, say I get to know someone, and they like me. Alright, so Ari wants to go out with me, to use an illustrative and very real-world example. Say she actually does (entirely ignoring the fact that she's female and jailbait. That's not the point.). I don't know anything about romantic love. When someone wants to make out with me, the thought going through my head is not "OMG this is hawt", it's more like "why is this happening, and how do I make it stop". It goes a step further when I have to fake ideals of romantic love and start a kiss; don't want to go letting people down.
But eventually I have to be honest with everyone. I can't romantically love. Don't get me wrong, though, I'm not an emotionless freak; I'd just make a terrible boyfriend. I'd take care of you and treat you well, but I wouldn't have sex (why do people do that?), I'm bad at making out (why do people do that?) and so forth. Basically, I'd be a friend who you'd sleep naked with. Really actually sleep. Snoring and everything. Then I'd wake up in the morning, and wonder why you have all the blankets.
However, just because I utterly fail at being romantic doesn't mean I don't like people. There's heaps and piles of people I like. I'm friends with thousands of people. I'm honestly a people person (who can't get to the very core of being a person). Hugs are amazing. Glomps slightly less so (cause they're hugs with back pains). Having friends beats the crap out of a romantic life because I'm good at friends. Hell, friends and putting friends to work is most likely going to be my job at MEW and Kumo coming up here soon.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have more charts about bacon cheeseburgers to make.
