A critical question for humanity

[nikkiolie]

I can see the problem that you might run into though. The person you may like wants a romantic relationship where you don't and since you don't they don't want anything but that so they don't even try ANY relationship. Yeah that would suck....but it happens to A LOT of people so don't feel like you are alone.

[valliegirl]

The world is littered with broken hearts of those who offered it to someone who didn't feel the same.  It's not an easy situation no matter which side of it you're on or what the reasoning behind it is.  And it's all around us, this same story plays out over and over again.  Unrequited love is the subject of our art, because the pain of a broken heart is a part of our humanity, as is the joy of having it returned ten fold.

[Pie Row Maniac]

Why is romantic love necessary?

Think this over very carefully.

It isn't.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

Thing is, I started with Asperger's Syndrome, a horrible sort of mental disorder

Horrible? You and I have drastically different experences then, because it's GREAT for me.

which started me off with no ancestral memories, so to speak; I had no emotions, no prejudices, no fears, no nothing at all.

...yeeeeeah, I don't think that's the AS. I've never *not* had emotions, and frankly I've never understood why there's the image of the emotionless autistic person, because I've never met anyone else with it that didn't have 'em. We just have trouble *expressing* them, but they're still there.

Not having them at all is something else *entirely*.

[TanisNikana]

For the job I have and the person I am trying to be, AS is horrible. Your mileage may vary.

But I did get undiagnosed.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

"Undiagnosed"? You mean diagnosed as something else all along? That means you didn't have AS to begin with, not that it went away or anything.

And what the heck is your job then? And why not go with one more suited to your needs and wants?

[Kona-chan]

if you don't have it anymore (more like not having it to begin with) don't say it affects your life now, if it's not there to.

[TanisNikana]

It was undiagnosed because most of the criteria for having AS were not present in me anymore.

It's like having a tumor, being diagnosed with having a tumor, getting the tumor removed, then not having a tumor anymore, but having a hole in your skin where the tumor once was. Is benign hole, but is still hole.

[Kona-chan]

All holes heal you know. That's just called hanging onto a memory or something related to it.

[Mr Silmero]

I think for once I will step in between this and say this has moved from a forum topic to a PM topic and maybe should be treated as such, and yes I mean just Kona and Tanis...but do what you want, just putting my opinion in.

[TanisNikana]

I don't intend to take it to a PM with him; it's already been resolved, and not everyone else has said the rest of their bits.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

It was undiagnosed because most of the criteria for having AS were not present in me anymore.

It's like having a tumor, being diagnosed with having a tumor, getting the tumor removed, then not having a tumor anymore, but having a hole in your skin where the tumor once was. Is benign hole, but is still hole.

...you can't, like, not be autistic any more. It's in your genetic makeup. Either you are or you aren't.

[Mr Silmero]

Well as long as it has been resolved then that is all that matter. I never said the topic should be closed just that bit so it is a moot point now.

[TanisNikana]

It was undiagnosed because most of the criteria for having AS were not present in me anymore.

It's like having a tumor, being diagnosed with having a tumor, getting the tumor removed, then not having a tumor anymore, but having a hole in your skin where the tumor once was. Is benign hole, but is still hole.

...you can't, like, not be autistic any more. It's in your genetic makeup. Either you are or you aren't.

Autism is entirely derived from nurture, not nature.

And besides, the thread is about love.

[BlackjackGabbiani]

That's complete bullplop. Bettleheim was disproven years ago. Why people still cite him and his insipidly stupid "refrigerator mothers" is beyond me considering there was never a scrap of evidence to support it.

It's been proven time and again to be genetic. Do a little research next time before you make the smart people look bad.

[oslapedo]

I don't think it's necessary at all, but I am just a young-un so I know very little of love.

All I've had are crushes, and I always end up glad that they never evolve into anything more than that for some reason or the other x3

[Sayda]

Just because you have yet to experience something, or don't wish to experience something, doesn't necessarily mean that you CAN'T. You may not want to, but it's definitely not impossible for someone to feel an emotion they don't wish to or supposedly 'can't'.

Life is full of surprises, and people change as they get older. Just because you might not want something right now, doesn't mean you won't later on.

As for love; there's more to life then finding that 'one true person'. Most people don't understand that. Instead they spend most of their lives searching for someone to love when they're missing out on the other fun things in life. Like traveling, or doing things that they've always wanted to do.

[ThiefKingsHier]

 Eh, I'm 25 and have gone my entire life without it.

 I don't feel like I'm missing anything, I think it would onyl complicate things.

 I really,  don't think any one philosophy on 'love' is correct. It depends entirely on the person.

[Mister_manji]

Wow. Why doesn't everybody stop pretending to be intellectual, and just get down to the meat and potatoes, the facts: because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I am not, by any means, saying that true love (a mostly meaningless concept) is the point of life. No, I am merely suggesting that being in love with somebody makes you feel good, as well as bad.

Also, you people bickering about syndromes: stop trying to be right on the internet.

also, BJG is right about autism. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism i think that bother guy might be mistaking early measures taken by parents to help their child develop skills for a cure to autism.

[TanisNikana]

But it doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. Just awkward.

[Mister_manji]

But it doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy. Just awkward.

well, did you ever consider that perhaps you've never gotten past that awkward stage of it? as John Mellencamp once opined "Sometimes love dont feel like it should," in a song aptly named "Hurt So Good."

I none the less would feel very sorry for anybody who can't genuinely can't feel romantic love for a man or woman.

[Hawkeye]

That's complete bullplop. Bettleheim was disproven years ago. Why people still cite him and his insipidly stupid "refrigerator mothers" is beyond me considering there was never a scrap of evidence to support it.

It's been proven time and again to be genetic. Do a little research next time before you make the smart people look bad.

I know this is a topic about love, but I am going to put my two cents in on the basis of how a person can develop autism first.  Blackjack, Tanis, you are actually both right on this.  I've seen a lot of evidence that points to both nature and nurture as being causes of autism.  Blackjack you also need to remember that this is a thread for constructive criticism, please.  Sayda, you may have a point there.  Romantic love may not be something people WANT to experience, but it also does not preclude the fact that some people may be genuinely incapable of experiencing it.  Think of this example:  most people feel regret or shame for committing certain crimes, whereas sociopaths do not.  Some people are capable of feeling love, others aren't, no matter how much they may want to or we say they can.  Not to say that anyone who doesn't feel romantic love is a sociopath, just hoping that might better explain my thoughts.

[Kahlan4]

it's hard to get to a common ground on topics like this because everyone has their own opinion based on experience, so really, not many people are going to come to the same understanding. i see a lot of arguing in this thread and not a lot of consideration of peoples comments. why not try to take what people say as the opinions that were asked for instead of immediately taking it personally and shooting it down without taking time to think about it. i understand everyone has their own stand on this, just like i do, just take the time to consider all sides and value what is said. i happen to not agree with a lot of what has been said here, but i have found my true love, which exists for me, and am happy, so i can't make other people think the same way since no one has had the exact same experience as me, but i can still appreciate that others have different opinions and take them as such. sorry, i have a hard time putting into words what i wanted to say, but that's the jist of it...

[BlackjackGabbiani]

I've seen a lot of evidence that points to both nature and nurture as being causes of autism.

That's not true. A person can become withdrawn and show what appear to be autistic traits, but you can paint a car like an elephant and it doesn't make it an elephant.

[totemo_oishii]

I agree. If you're going to ask a question such as this, please be open minded.

[DancingTofu]

Making a separate topic for the discussion of Aspergers Syndrom/Autism Spectrum and discussion thereof.

[allstarsniper32]

Why is romantic love necessary?

Think this over very carefully.

I've read every comment made in this topic and I must say it's interesting and entertaining at the same time. Oh and love isn't necessary.

[TanisNikana]

And yet, when I see my friends in romantic relationships, it gets at me just a bit, knowing I can never quite derive the same enjoyment that they do.

[Darknight2433]

I felt the same way a lot. It's like everyone else has the same shoes, and just because you don't have them you must just not be able to get them. It's not that you just don't want them, even though it's true you could get them and you just choose not to. I'd say just think about this: You may not have a romantic relationship, but you have friends who love you and not many people have that. 

[TanisNikana]

A lot of folks' friends would stab each other for a hundred bucks.

[tofutakeout]

a hundred? shoot, I'd do it for 70. lol jk I kid. I wouldn't hurt my friends for anything. I might not have a romantic relationship with them, hopefully never will that'd just be weird, but I know their there for me. And I'm there for them because if I don't have a 'relationship' with anyone else then what else is there? hopefully they wouldn't harm then that would suck a little. 0_0

[TanisNikana]

And when you end a romantic relationship with someone, you often never think well of them again.

[oslapedo]

I'm a relationship noob, but after mutually ending it with my old boyfriend we were even better friends than we were before we became a couple. It could just depend on every person individually though x3

[Seraph]

@oslapedo
I'm bigger newbie then you are.  I never had a relationship.

@Tanis
I think that depends on how it ends.

[ThiefKingsHier]

  If you want to get VERY 'technical' I have been in two 'relationships'.

I ended them both after a week.

It was because both times the guys changed SO much the second it was made 'official'.

I never have and never will understand why they thought that was necessary, if I liked them the way they were why the hell would I like them once they acted differently?

[Seraph]

@ThiefKing
sounds like they have completely different views on offical relationships or the or the fact of being in a offical relationship shook them up in someway.  but that just me speculating.  I can understand changing oneself in small parts in a offical relationship, but a huge change, I wouldn't see the need for it personally in most cases

[ThiefKingsHier]

@ThiefKing
sounds like they have completely different views on offical relationships or the or the fact of being in a offical relationship shook them up in someway.  but that just me speculating.  I can understand changing oneself in small parts in a offical relationship, but a huge change, I wouldn't see the need for it personally in most cases

I don't know if I would call it a 'major' change so much as a " this is why I think I'm supposed to act" kind of change.

Before,we were good friends and we'd hang out and talk about videogames/anime ect.
Then it was always with the damned pet names and IMing me every two seconds with nothing more to say than " omg I love you' and crap liek that.

[Seraph]

@ThiefKing
That may be the case. or the excitement of being in an offical got to their heads or something, but its likely what you said.

[kylite]

iv been part of a poly relationship for over 3 years now and it works out for me just fine. Sure I am the guy on the side and shes married to the other guy but that just means when I need my space or she needs hers or he needs his, we all have somewhere to go LOL.  sure there are times of tension or arguments but that's just how relationships go. and the same goes for those times where the girl sends tons of text messages all day long, which can get aggravating but its also quite cute. I guess you just have to have a sense of humor about it.

[ThiefKingsHier]

@ThiefKing
That may be the case. or the excitement of being in an offical got to their heads or something, but its likely what you said.

 I don't know why they would think that that way. I'm sure a lot of people would think I'm just be too insenstive but really;

 Guys are SUPPOSED to be the logical, straight-to-the-point-ones. ( but you really can't trust any stereotype. I'M more that way than any guy I know)

I figured it would be common sense to them that if I wanted that type of relationship, I would have been with some sensitive guy. 
Not they're  off-color-joke-loving-metal-head selves.
There's also the fact that if they didn't know me well enough to realize that in the first place, they had no business BEING with me.

[kylite]

perhaps true yet iv yet to meet a single woman alive (who has gotten into a relationship) who has not wanted the man to change after they spend enough time together because the little things drive her nuts and thus must be changed.