It's ok we can always talk on here. I was just thinking about the things you're talking about, it's obviously not just a relationship issue, it's a recognition and decision issue. If you allow yourself to be put in hurtful situations, or anything negative, your life becomes more negative. I didn't much care for neon genesis evangelion for the show itself, but around episode 24 it gets into pretty much every issue people have with themselves and their reactions with other people. The person who created that show was a major psycologist he definately knew his stuff, if you can find someone who owns that show you should watch it, it's kind of giant robot stuff but not really, and like i said it's just really building up the characters for serious breakdown of the human mind. You can learn alot from it, not only about yourself, but about how to make your life better through your choices, anyways, I was just thinking about all that and I hope you can come accross it because it should be able to explain what you're going through in a decently specific way. The best advice I've ever heard from someone when it comes to relationships though corny it may be it's very true, you can't love anyone else if you don't love yourself. I know it seems ridiculous, but if you don't love yourself then you start doubting if you're good enough, people feed on that negativity the way that animals do when they're on the hunt, kill the slow injured one. On top of that many people that feel this way fall for anyone who shows interest in them, even if they're completely bad for them, or cause them to cheat on the people they're with to begin with. It's just that feeling of belonging and being accepted. Trust me there's lots of people out there that are like you, interested in the things you're interested in, you can probably find someone exactly like you. But until you're willing to show yourself as you really are and love yourself, all you're doing is lying to yourself to fit into that relationship and setting yourself up for failure. I'm not saying that everything here is going to apply to you, but I'm willing to bet you're not allowing yourself to show through and be happy with it. You are you, no less, no more, and it doesn't take anything more than that man.
I hope I helped and explained that the way I wanted it to come off, it's meant to be inspiring because you're awesome!